Nice to hear from you. It has been a year of ups and downs as you know from your own experience. I stopped mostly b/c I got too frustrated and down. Had a lot to say but it was mostly not helpful for me or anyone else. Have come to realize that I do need to talk to others, I have a lot of healing to do, and I need to be more consistent with myself.
It seems that in all the trying to be compassionate toward H's problem I let go of a lot of things about me - and some of them were necessary to let go of - some may still need to be let go - but I discovered I am raw from the experience. I became fearful which is not an emotion I ever had in my life and I have been depressed. So I need a lot of positive people right now in my life which is hard to find.
