Time for a new thread to see out the old year and ring in the new.
2009 is disappearing with mixed feelings some good plenty bad, but 2010 will be better.
Christmas has been mixed as well. I went down with a bout of D & V on Christmas eve, but I recovered enough to still be able to enjoy the festive events, although I didn’t eat as much as usual. FIL has been in hospital since Christmas eve with fluid on the lung, he’s connected to a pump draining the fluid, but as fast as they drain it, it fills up again. Looks like he’s gonna see in the new year there as well.
W bought me a very thoughtful Christmas card with some very touching words, also some nice presents, we haven’t had any crossed word over this period, but then again she has spent more time at the hospital with FIL than she has at home. I got a big hug off her the other day which was nice, but she said she needed that hug cos she was feeling better (on that day) about FIL condition.
So 2010 approaches and funnily enough I have similar financial worries to when we were about to start 2009, but I got through that year, so I guess I’ll manage to get through 2010 as well.
I’ve just started thinking about some thing’s for 2010. I’ve signed up for the 10K run I ran in 2008, but W’s ****ing about caused me to miss 2009, so I’m gonna get in training as soon as the new year starts, I’m not gonna miss it for 2010. I’m also gonna get a new bike, I’ll sign up for the pay as you ride scheme at work so I’ll get the bike in February and pay for it over 12 months. I’m also gonna sign up for the company charity cycle event in July, its 60 miles of hard work but it's all for charity. So I’ve got a couple of things to focus on there.
So hopefully the road ahead in 2010 won’t be as complicated, lets say I’m hoping it will just be a new road and one not to worry about.
2009 off to a good start, I woke up to the first morning of the new year to find W already awake and sitting up in bed staring across the room. As I stirred I noticed she was stroking my shoulder and my head so I just lay in bed enjoying the moment.
Later we began to talk about various things, 2010, FIL, us, and W went on to say how she missed moments like this, us spending time together talking about us, everything , the world (WT massive F !!!!!).
Not wanting to kill the moment but I had to remind W that we get to these points where we are spending time together, talking and moving forward but something ( usually her) always manages to kill it off. W acknowledged this and said we should make it a priority in 2010 to make more time for each other. I agreed, but I’ve seen many false dawns,and I know it doesn’t take much to see her shoot off into her drama filled world, so not holding my breath on this. But 3 days into the new year and things are still feeling good and we’ve not had any crossed words, ( I’ve not been able to say this at the start of a new year for a long time),
Back to reality tomorrow, D8 back to school , W and I back to work, Ahhhhhhhh !!!!
You are such a fighter and after all you've been through, you are becoming wiser and wiser too.
I really, honestly believe that those people we married need a LOT of TIME to catch up with us. Maybe your wife is slowly getting it! Keep your thoughts and attitude positive. Love K
Not wanting to kill the moment but I had to remind W that we get to these points where we are spending time together, talking and moving forward but something ( usually her) always manages to kill it off.
Ha Ha, I don't even need to breath and it happens, W can't find D8 school shoes and guess whose fault it is, mine !!?? (FFS). Anyway as you said K I've become wiser and can see these things.
Later we began to talk about various things, 2010, FIL, us, and W went on to say how she missed moments like this, us spending time together talking about us, everything , the world (WT massive F !!!!!).
Keeps life interesting, doesn't it?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I don’t post too much details about individual incidents but I just thought I’d give you an example of how things run and how W’s irrattic behaviour still plagues us.
At the moment the UK is in the grip of it’s coldest winter for 25 yrs with temperatures reaching -10c (14f) plus deep snow, not bad by some North American or Canadian standards but over here some people are predicting the end of the world. Anyway W is having car trouble and phones me, (for help I presume). This is how the calls went, bearing in mind there is no introduction or hello in the calls.
W: It’s me, the red light has come in the car. Me: which red light. W: you know the one which tells you there is no water in the car. Me:There must be water in the car I checked at the weekend. W : Anyway the red light is on, so I’m not driving it anymore. I’m going to park the car and phone someone from work to pick me up, bye.
Next call 20 mins later.
W: How do you turn this (Censored) heating off !!! Me : Which heating ? W: Oh forget it !!! (bang the phone goes down).
Apparently W had managed to drive the car home and got in the house to call a friend to pick her up but found the central heating on heating an empty house. She phoned me not relising that the house thermostat is set to 16c so if the day time temp falls below this the heating will come on. She got impatient with me as I hadn’t relise she was now talking about the heating at home and not the heating in the car. (I knew I should have taken that degree course in mind reading).
In the afternoon W phones again as if nothing has happen, so I had to pull her up to let her know that if she needs my help she has to give me the full story not just a few words like “The red light has come on” and then expect me to know the rest. She acknowledged her bad manners and we had a decent conversation after that.
In the evening, because of the cold weather (and lack of anything on TV) W suggested that we go to bed early, so we are kissing and cuddling (kissing on the mouth which we haven’t done for some time) I’m getting hot and ready for action, but W tells me to slow down and not rush as we have all night. So as instructed I slowed down and relaxed, and guess what happened next........ (Link) W falls asleep.. Hence my big frustration and the reason why I always rush to get the job done.
Lan, I wish that I had an answer for you on her falling asleep while passion if rising. Are you maybe giving her a relaxing massage when this happens? Maybe she does just get so relaxed during foreplay that she falls asleep. I can see how this can be so frustrating for you.
W always says my touch plus my body heat relaxes her so much that she falls asleep. This morning W sheepishly held my and asked if I was ok, full well knowing that I would be annoyed with her falling asleep.
Anyway IMO if a person wants to stay awake they can, if a person wants to stay awake and put another persons needs above their own they can. Thats why I get annoyed, but I'm getting beyond the point of trying to find out why or what the problem is.
I had a big bust up with W at 2 in the morning earlier this week but I think cleared the air a bit.
W had given me a hint that something was up, by asking me if I could set up her home email so she could view it from work, I told her I think I could do it, but I could only set it up from home when I was logged on as an administrator, and that being the case she may as well wait until she got home to view whatever important email it was she was after. The reality is I can view both our home emails over the web so I dipped in and saw there were a couple of emails from W and her secret friend, most compelling was W reply to a hello by saying better to chat on IM and him saying his W/partner always looking over his shoulder.
As always these things builds up inside me until I explode, in this case it was the early hours of the morning when I tried to touch W (as I knew it would annoy her)and when she rebuffed me I let go with a foul mouthed rant (very unlike me)where I basically told her that she can (censored) off with her dopy friend as I’ve had enough of the situation, the two of them can continue doing what they are doing but she wasn’t to bother me unless it involved D8.( I’ve down played the argument here as I really did let rip with some choice words). W insists there’s nothing going on and they just talk.
The following day W phoned me at work and I basically told her again that I wasn’t interested and she should (censored )off and leave me alone, but she surprised me and said that we shouldn’t give up and we should keep trying, and that we should be looking after each other etc, etc. When I told her if she is on IM with any secret friends I’m not interested, she told me they just talk about problems, like this guy’s medical history, his problems at home, also he just lost his mother. I interrupted W here and told her that I don’t give a (censored) about his problems as it wasn’t helping ours. Actually I started to feel a little bit bad here cos I realise I’ve been swearing too much. I told W we have no intimacy and I’m not having another year like that, but she kept saying to me not to give up and she doesn’t know what’s wrong with her, that we need spend time together to overcome things. I told W we already do this, and when we do she falls asleep, and when she sleeps I drink. I said the drink is killing me, so now I’m gonna kick it to the kerb and just do my gym and cycling and stay healthy. W kept insisting its me she wants to be with and spending time together is the key.
Anyway after having an think about this I had another call with W and told her, for the rest of this week we are in bed at 8pm, the idea is just to rest and relax, (I’ll leave this weeks gym until the weekend). At the weekend the two of us(not her dopy friend) are gonna have a chat and see if we can work out what is going on in her head cos I’m not sure she knows, also I'm gonna find our what I'm suppose to keep trying for.
Last night we were both in bed at 8pm and had a very good sleep as neither of us slept the night before.
