Wolverine, Just wanted to let you know I've read your last few threads & I know how tough it is going dark. My sitch is pretty different, my H left in March & it's been downhill from there. We had communicated weekly or so, then in Sept. through last day of Oct. - nothing. Completely pitch black dark. It was really hard. Of course you live with your W, so goin dark is much harder. For me, it is more painful to hear from my H than to have communication. I wish I could help you more, but just keep reading & posting. Congrats on your weekend trip, way to GAL! Something I need to work on more. Just know you're not alone in this. Happy Holidays!
Got really upset with wife today. Father in-law came over to visit today. He bought my wife's youngest sister and her son. A while back, (before my wife began current behavior) my wife and I decided not to associate with her youngest sister. We would be pleasant and nice to her but not associate with her or allow her to hang out at our house or watch the kids. (This was because of her lifestyle and a lot of things that she was doing that we didn't approve of. It's a loooooong story). Well today her dad shows up with her and they all go to the show and then come to our house to have pizza and watch TV. I was totally shocked because as far as I know her bahavior has not changed.
I left to go to work and after a few hours I called home to ask my wife about her sister. I wanted to know why she was bringing her to the house and hanging out with her? I asked her if sister had changed her lifestyle any? My wife got upset and said that she didn't know and then began asking me why I didn't bring this up while her sister was over at the house. I kept cool and stated the obvious, that I was concerned about her allowing the kids to hang out with her. She said that she hadn't thought about that and did not know if her sister had made any changes but that she would call her parents and ask them. I never heard back from my wife.
Now I ask all of you. Was I out of place for questioning my wife on this? It really bothered me but I did not let my wife know that. I was cool and pleasant the whole time that they were there. As far as I know her sister is still doing the same foolishness as before. In my opinion my wife should have at least talked to me before her sister showed up. This is just another one of those situations where reasonable communication could have prevented a lot of heartburn.
Me-47 WAW-42 D-16 S-14 M-22 yrs T-19 yrs ILYBNILWY-3 years ago. Full Story and original posts: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...066#Post1781066
Thanks for the kind words. And yes, it is very difficult. What makes it even harder is knowing that she prefers it this way. But I'll play it out and see what happens.
Me-47 WAW-42 D-16 S-14 M-22 yrs T-19 yrs ILYBNILWY-3 years ago. Full Story and original posts: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...066#Post1781066
Haven't posted lately, computer has been down. Will get it fixed during off days next week.
Next few weeks should be interesting. My wife's great uncle and aunt are having their 50th wedding anniversary and they sent us an invitation. My wife's uncle is pretty fond of me and would expect me to be there. My wife hasn't said anything to me about it. The only way that I know about it is that a close friend of mine is also invited and he asked me if I was going (His parents are close friends of wife's uncle). Also, when I got home from work about a week ago I saw the invitation on my daughter's bed (the envelope was addressed to me and my family). My dilema is this. My wife has not said anything to me about it and she has completely excluded me from all of her family's functions. I am definitely invited and the invitation was addressed to me and my family and uncle and aunt would expect me to be there. Do I just talk to wife about going? Do I just go without talking to her? Or should I stay home? Right now I am not planning on going. What do you all think I should do?
Me-47 WAW-42 D-16 S-14 M-22 yrs T-19 yrs ILYBNILWY-3 years ago. Full Story and original posts: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...066#Post1781066
Was home watching TV last night when wife's cousin came by to visit. She and wife talked throughout the night with me occasionally joining in conversation. Wife didn't say a lot to me but cousin and I talked quite a bit. I went to store for snacks and bought them a back a bottle of wine. After watching a movie I went to bed, had to work today. All in all, I had a decent time even though wife didn't say much to me.
Normally when wife's cousins come over I'll talk for a minute and then watch TV in another room, letting them hangout. This time I decided to hangout a little and see what happened. Nothing good, nothing bad. Just wanted to show cousin that I'm not the jerk that wife is probably saying that I am.
Me-47 WAW-42 D-16 S-14 M-22 yrs T-19 yrs ILYBNILWY-3 years ago. Full Story and original posts: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...066#Post1781066
Things are about to get more interesting. I overheard wife making plans to go out of town with some girlfriends. She hasn't said anything to me about it. But I am going to ask her about it to see when she is going and if she is planning on taking kids with her. If she is planning on taking kids then I want plenty of details. Also I want to ask her how she can afford to pay for a trip when she can't help me pay for household bills. I am having a hard time getting her to help with household expenses. She just refuses to help on a regular basis. She will chip in here and there but will not do so on a consistant basis even after me reminding her. Why do things have to be so hard?
Me-47 WAW-42 D-16 S-14 M-22 yrs T-19 yrs ILYBNILWY-3 years ago. Full Story and original posts: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...066#Post1781066
Things are about to get more interesting. I overheard wife making plans to go out of town with some girlfriends. She hasn't said anything to me about it. But I am going to ask her about it to see when she is going and if she is planning on taking kids with her. If she is planning on taking kids then I want plenty of details. Also I want to ask her how she can afford to pay for a trip when she can't help me pay for household bills. I am having a hard time getting her to help with household expenses. She just refuses to help on a regular basis. She will chip in here and there but will not do so on a consistant basis even after me reminding her. Why do things have to be so hard?
Me-47 WAW-42 D-16 S-14 M-22 yrs T-19 yrs ILYBNILWY-3 years ago. Full Story and original posts: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...066#Post1781066
W: If you are unable to meet your portion of the household expenses it is time to split the finances and for you to move out.
You do not remind a grown adult to pay her bills. It is something all adults must do. What consequences have you given her for NOT paying her bills? Gentle reminders have not worked.
That is where I am having a problem. Most of the bills are in my name, ie. the car, house, insurance, etc. The few bills that are in her name are ones that affect me and the kids as well, the gas, electricity, etc. So I can't move out because then I would have to pay for a house note and rent. Any suggestions?
Me-47 WAW-42 D-16 S-14 M-22 yrs T-19 yrs ILYBNILWY-3 years ago. Full Story and original posts: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...066#Post1781066
I didn't suggest you move out. I suggested you tell your W if she is unable to meet the household expenses she is expected to pay SHE move out on her dime.
If she is not working then she needs to be working and the two of you need to divide the childcare. If she does not want to be in the marriage or is not working on the marriage then she does not get a free ride simply because the bills are in your name.
Don't let her cake eat. Six months is ample time for her to have moved out and taken care of her own bills and expenses OR stay home, at the very least contribute financially as a non-spouse (adult) would do in a shared household.
