Looking for my new normal

[Gardener]

I knew that H has sexual issues of his own, and now I'm just like him?

Oh, no you're not. No,no, no, no NO! Not even close. You are decent, selfless, loving and caring just for starters. That trumps the hell out of H!

I can't believe that I moved out, but I didn't get away from him and his influence even though he's not here.

Like I used to tell my kids when they were growing up. It's okay to think or talk that way (incapable, not strong, etc.) as long as you end such thoughts and sentences with the word "yet!" You're not away from his "lnfluence" yet. but you are moreso every day. Hold to your boundaries, keep him out of your apartment, go dark. You gain strength everyday. Back a few posts there were two mildly crude phrases used. One was, "Eff Him" to which I added, "Your H is dead to you". Keep these as mantras and like I said in the .alt, read and re-read all recent posts. And like I also said in the .alt: you (and I) now have dozens of friends we didn't have a short time ago. True friends. LISTEN TO THEM.

You've spent years under the spell of a master manipulating abuser and you're not away from his influence yet in a couple of short weeks? Of course you're not. Cut yourself some slack.

And always be aware of, suspicious of, and dismiss and disregard his every (calculated) word and action.

And like the old joke says (paraphrase): You'll always know when he's lying, manipulating, setting you up, undermining your progress, etc.: How? His lips will be moving!

You my dear, have to be constantly on your guard, constantly hyper-vigilant and disregard everything that comes out of his mouth.

My IC already had plans to use some kind of PTSD therapy with me after I settled in after the move, I wonder if that will dovetail with all this new stuff.

Great. Sounds like a very perceptive IC. It should all dovetail very nicely.

I know I've said it before: I sound very strident on your sitch and come across like a broken record. But that's because for now you don't need to just hear these truths once or twice: you need to hear them, re-hear them and re-hear them again. Reinforcement.
Read all these posts from so many caring, objective, appalled DBers. Take a poll if you'd like.

You are good, valuable, decent, building and moving forward.
H is evil, worthless, sick, destructive and stagnant.

Believe us. Hell, just pretend to believe us for now even if you don't.
It will buy you time and prevent backsliding and that's what you need most until all the scales fall from your eyes and you finally see. Really seee.Completely see!

Bunny, I wish I could talk to you without getting so incensed at your sitch...and your H! I just can't. Not yet