I am so sorry you are here. But, we are here for you.
Don't feel bad that you called. This man is YOUR H, and that was YOUR H's phone. They are the ones in the wrong. I did that once... called OW's number and did a hang up. H asked and I lied at first... not sure why... I think because I was ashamed I had done it. Then, after I thought about it, I realized I had nothing to be ashamed of, so told H I had done it and why. He kinda just accepted it then.
It sounds like he was looking for an excuse, especially with all the pressure from OW.
But.... my guess is there will be continued pressure from her. She is going to want him to now make a commitment of some sort. Unless he is heartless, he is going to struggle with being away from the kids, other family members, people in the community etc. My H has admitted to me those were all things he struggled with when he was waffling back and forth between the two of us.
Exposure is your call... but if he has left with no word what does he expect you to do? Not explain anything to anyone? What do the kids know about why he is not home now?
Your sitch sounds very similar to mine... we live in a small town too and I am sure the neighbors noticed that H was hardly home for a few months.
Even though he has walked out, you still have the opportunity to set boundaries, and you can take this time to clarify them and get stronger about communicating them. I think you are doing the right thing by going dark for now, let him do the contacting. But, likely he will at some point, and you can calmly but firmly tell him you will not be in an open marriage. You can tell him that you still choose this M and if he is willing to stop all contact with OW you will work on things together. So, if he chooses OW, that is HIS choice to own to your kids, the community, etc. That is pretty much what I said. It took 3 weeks after that for H to decide. He still lived at home but was still seeing OW.
Stay strong... you can handle this... you are not alone!
