Riding the roller coaster, and hanging on for dear life. Very sad, depressed and emotional last night and today. Didn't get enough sleep last night, and S7 woke me up WAY too early this morning. Finally took down Christmas tree and decorations and started sorting/packing 15 years worth of memories into separate boxes. Having a real tough time keeping myself distracted from thinking about STBXW. The gaping hole in my soul is huge today. I still miss her so much. I know that this too shall pass, but it doesn't make it hurt any less.
Built a new computer for S7 today and he's thrilled at how much faster his games run. I'm practically a magician to him, and I'm savoring every minute with him. STBXW hasn't spoken to him in 6 days since I picked him up from her apt.
Talked with W1 for a long time last night and had to have a heart-to-heart with her. She has been making comments and hinting around about the feelings she still has for me. Although she already knew, I had to explain frankly that right now I have to get myself together for myself first and also finish grieving over losing the woman I loved so deeply before I was even going to THINK about jumping into a new R...even one with a history. W1 and I were together for 8 years when I was just a pup. We've remained friends for over 20 years since our divorce.
I do still have feelings (both emotional and physical) for W1 after all these years, but I recognize that I'm extremely vulnerable right now. I want so bad to feel (replace?) the love that I once received from STBXW, but it's just not the right time for any R...may not be for many years. W1 understood/agreed and apologized for her timing, and promised to back off and give me the time I need to work on learning to love myself.
Me 45 WAW 36 S8 T 15 M 12 Multiple PA's since 6/07 W moved out 10/25/09 I filed D 12/29/09 Sitch
