She must be seeing a lawyer...what now?

[Awoken]

My week long break from W is nearly over now. D17's plane from california (she performed in the Rose Parade) returns only an hour after W's plane, so I'm picking them both up from the airport.

I'm dreading seeing W again; it's a very strange feeling this mixture of dread and missing her.

New Years eve was good; I never found a volunteer opportunity. The only ones I found were for driving people too drunk to come home, and I really wanted to do something social. After all, I've spent enough time with W drunk to not want to be around that (I know, that's a little bitter). I ended dropping S13 off at his friends party, and then going to visit some of my friends at their gigs. The mother of S13's friend that was hosting the party invited me to join them, and I returned before midnight to celebrate with them. It was a small group, and we had a good time. 1am, me S13 and his friend had a little jam session: great fun!

Got home around 2am, and saw that W had called the house 6 times trying to reach S13. That's good, since I was wondering why she had limited her contact with him (although he didn't seem to notice). She finally reached via text a little after we got home (she's 3 hours behind us) and said something about not having reception where she was. Her parents home has great reception, so of course I'm imagining her off with some man for NY, or she is avoiding the voice call for a similar reason. So much for my detachment!

Somehow, I was less angry and more sad about it. At a moment of weakness, I sent her a text with the simple "Happy New Year". I regretted it immediately, and turned my phone ringer off. This is so stupid; I spent this week making detailed posts to many people here about this very topic, and then I go ahead and do the opposite of what I know I should be doing. At the moment, I was thinking I needed to show W some kindness, and wishing for a decrease in hostility between us. Sigh.

My new years resolutions have to include living up to what I know is right.

Give me some 2x4's!