Any tips to deal with Jealousy on my part

[g450]

Well I did confront her but in a civil way. I actually broke down in front of her again (I know, bad thing).

She once again told me that she is not cheating on me and has no desire to "put herself out there", whatever that means.

After our discussion she took a shower, put on some mascera and left for a friends house for new years. No clue what friend or where. That tore me up. But she did come back around 8pm and spent most of her time like she usually does. Hours and hours on the cell phone.

Regardless, I'm not sure I can believe this. She now keeps her cell phone with her 24/7 and is very guarded of it.

I actually got a tear from her when I explained that I felt like my wife died and nobody could tell me why she died and I felt like I had some responsibility for it. This is the first time I have seen any emotion from her since this started so I must have struck a nerve.

I know that she has a high school reunion in June so I am worried that she will be tempted to turn what looks like a long distance EA into a PA every time she takes a trip home.

I suppose I should not beat myself up about it as she will be out of the house soon and we will both be single again on 8Feb. In my simplistic mind, I will always be married to her. That's just how I feel regardless. She will always be my wife. That's something I will have to work on in my own time I guess.

As far as she is concerned, she apparently detached from me years ago.