At the initial A confrontation, I established my boundary concerning OM (I will not tolerate a 3rd person in our R) but I did not establish consequences. Tried sliding the consequence of losing me completely in the other night and it had an effect on her. She reacted by lashing back out at me and threatening S again. How can I improve my boundary setup at this point?
What is the point of a boundary without a consequence? I could have told my teenage children that I would not have them drinking alcohol.....but if they did and got away with it, do you think they would have respected my "boundary"?
Since their has been no consequenses thus far, then my sugestion would be that whenever she shows any obvious signs of contacting OM, then what about saying something like, "I hope you are not talking to OM on the phone b/c that would be incredible disrespectful for a W do to that to her H". "I certainly hope that you were not spending time with the OM, since that would be an ultimate sign of disrespect for your H". I don't think workds alone are enough, but it is a beginning until you have solid proof. What can you think of that she would not want to "suffer" due to breaking a boundary?
I suggest that you never threaten her at losing you if she breaks the boundary.....unless you are fully prepared to carry it through. That needs to be with any consequense you give.
Some of the men are better at wording these things than I am. Robx is a good one. But he's really tough.
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I had thought long and hard about a keylogger but have been hesitant. If she found it, I think it would be a dealbreaker for her. Is this worth it?
That advice is passed around a lot, but I think it has to be left up to the individual man. If you can live without a keylogger and you think you can outshine OM....then you have to make that choice. But, some men find themselves in a limbo state due to the WAW being very comfy in her cake-eating state. So, it's up to you. If she is computer savy, then it is taking a very big risk. Having her followed with some picture taking may work better. You need to read about options to take and then decide what is best for your stitch.
However, don't be surprised if we don't come back and tell you if you are being too "nice" too her.....being too soft with your actions. And most men don't like to be told that. But, the thing is, most people can't see their stitch like an outsider b/c they are too close to the problem.
Sure hope 2010 turns out to be a great year for you.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
