Newbie with almost WAW - Need Advice

[sandi2]

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PMA, PMA, PMA! If I find this challenging, may have to start ADs

For people who suffer with long term depression, meds are the way we have to go. I tried everything for depression, but I finally accepted that it was a clinical thing in my brain that I could not control.

2. Continue to work on positive changes in my life, especially the ones that I know that I need and that she has placed on the laundry list. Try to regain some of her respect.

When you start to like yourself better then she will too. You need to "claim" respect from her and depending on her personality type, it may not be an easy task....but doable.

3. Start going to MC, let her know that she is welcome to come and let her know each time I go. Continue with my therapy for depression.

I got to tell ya, speaking as a former WAW....that doesn't work too well for her. It is pressure on her and she will resist you saying anything...even the fact that "you" are attending MC, so I personally think it is a bad idea to mention to her that you're going, much less invite her. It is the same principle as leaving marriage help books laying around for her to read.

4. No more victim pukes by me (or at least minimal victim pukes)

5. Learn to love myself, regain my self respect. Set goals for self improvement. Continue to read self-improvement books

Yep

6. Accept that my M is probably a goner, really work towards detachment.

Yes....and remember this with #8.

7. Reconnect with family and old friends

Make this part of your GAL. Don't do it on the computer or phone alone, but get out of the house (while W is home) and go meet thses folks.

8. Keep home a nice place to be for both me and W

I suggest you focus on keeping it nice for "you" or you won't keep focus off of her and the detachment will be a problem....IMHO.

11. I will set a daily goal to demonstrate to myself that I am high value

Oh, I like this one!

10. I need to create mystery and upset the balance of control. My W has me locked down and she knows it. GAL will be a start to this (other suggestions most welcome!)

Yes, I agree 100%.