Looking for my new normal

[hoosiermama]

Bunny--just a few things really jump out from what you've written.

Plus he says he stands by his assessment that it wasn't the real me at the first MC session, I'm just not that good so I was obviously coached or acting or something.

Don't allow him to define you or tell you whether or not you are "real!" It's his perception only, and it's not even a perception, really--it's him trying to manipulate you again. How dare he say "you're just not that good!" How dare he tell you what's real about you?! He needs to stay on his side of your skin. If you've lived with this for years, no wonder you question yourself, your reality.

Sexual addiction--quite possibly. And yes, you have been abused by H, and if that's the only form of love you knew from him, of course that's where you're going to seek it when you're feeling lost or stressed or isolated. It's a HUGE insight you've had--I can't stress that enough--and will open the door to many more, and to helping you step away from painful behaviors. It won't be easy, but once you've had that first insight it will sort of begin to flow downhill for you.

Lastly, you've described your H as "sweet" for bringing you things you may need. and this:

he's bending over backwards to be nice and accommodating, like picking stuff up for me to be comfortable at apartment, or asking if I want this, that or the other thing from the house. He's only mentioned the outside activities a couple of times or so since I left, so maybe I'm making a bigger deal of it in my own head than it needs to be.

Bunny, it's not your well-being he's thinking about. He wants you to believe he's on your side, and then every now and then will slip in "outside activities" or giving you a camera to record your sexual encounters--which is completely violating boundaries. He's manipulating by trying to get you to see him as kind and helpful, but the real issue for him is getting his own needs met and trampling any boundaries you've managed to set, anything that keeps you out of his control.

And I know I really don't have much to complain about compared to others, he's not hurting my kids, me or my stuff, so I think I look like a dumb@ss by posting all this.

Actually, you have perhaps more to complain about than some others, and that doesn't really matter. You don't look like a dumb@ss at all. And I hate to predict the future, but I have a very distinct sense that he may begin to hurt you or your things more physically (and he's certainly already abused you emotionally and spiritually) once he feels he is losing control over you. Just keep your eyes open and a high index of suspicion, ok?