GIMA - That's what they diagnosed me w/orignally (3 weeks ago in ER). Cardiologist called is AN Node SVT (I think). I don't care what anyone says... The cardiac ablation is not as easy as advertised. SEVEN catheters being fed from your groin up to you damn heart! WHILE you're awake! I have had three C-sections, and I'd have another two, before doing this again. I'm suffering from these phantom electrical pains/signals the past two days. ODD! I think it's a mindf*ck! (Sorry, TriDoc, but I know you can handle this!)
And, why has your wife needed TWO? I don't want another!!!
Last edited by mindfull; 12/31/0905:43 AM.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Yes. Oddly, my D6 was the first in our family to be diagnosed with SVT - been on a beta blocker since she was diagnosed. A few breakthrough episodes - one was pretty scary and involved a week in the CICU of our children's hospital.
Then my W as diagnosed, then MIL.
On my W, they did the mapping first, then the cauterizing. They didn't get all the spots they wanted the first time, so she got to do it again.
I'm sure it isn't fun. My W described the feeling of the procedure as hte feeling that she was swallowing rocks.
Jeesh..... Yeah cardiac ablation is not fun. Mindful, I can’t see how you laid there for that entire time AWAKE.You poor thing:-( I bet the local anesthetic wore off at the catheter insertion site. In our institution, we do them under general anesthetic, so the only one that is in pain is the Anesthesiologist who has to sit there and listen to the endless buzzing and beeping for 6 to 8 hours without a break....LOL.
As far as being condescending, to me being a doctor is just a job. I see folks that get all wrapped up in it but to me it’s just a paycheck. I suppose my downfall and source of sin was the pride and ego boost I received from being a world class athlete. It was huge, T.V. magazines, blogs.. You name it. It really got out of hand. C.S. Lewis writes in his book “Mere Christianity” Pride is the greatest sin. Oh boy did I have it. God gave me a wake up call with this event.
My wife is an athlete too and I suppose I became critical of her training methods and so on.Time training with her was minimal and when it was it was my “easy day”. I spent most of the time I had away from my job training or talking to others about training. I ignored her needs and my children’s needs. That is why it is so critical that I back away from all of it and focus on what really is important.
Me:49 W: 41 Kids=D14/D14/S10 Married: 15 Together: 16 Bomb: 08/26/09 Currently: separated but in the different houses.
Yesterday I had an appointment with the counseling ministry of my church. We talked about a lot of things and he is well aware of the anger currently plagues my W. He encouraged me to pray for guidance and I did.
The plan last night was to go out and have a wild time with MYSELF. As I thought more about it and pondered R2C’s last words to me, I thought that doing so would be more of the same behavior: selfish. What I really felt I needed to do was to stay home and be with my family.
My W confronted me about my plans and asked in a threatening manner, “ Why aren’t you going out?” I said that I don’t feel like it. She kept pressing me. I told her that she would laugh if I told her the truth. She said she wouldn’t. “Tell me”. I told her that “God has guided me to stay home with my family tonight.” She laughed.... and so did I saying “see I told you that you would laugh.”
The rest of the evening went well and we both watched TV together. We were pleasant and acted as friends.
This morning I was compelled to look at her phone for some reason. I still don’t trust her. She has a trip planned alone to Phoenix to run the Rock and Roll Marathon this month. I don’t feel comfortable with it and she knows how I feel but still she insists on going. She is really looking forward to it. I am on call that weekend and the kids will be shuffled around to grandmother and other folks. When I asked if I could go with her, she claims she needs me to be at home with kids.
I look at her search history and she was looking for things to do in Phoenix. On it were Hummer tours, climbing Camelback mountain..... It just didn’t add up. Going to Phoenix by herself taking tours and climbing a mountain the day before a seemingly important race. If it was that important, you need to rest and take time off your feet.
I confronted her in the morning and told her that I was still uncomfortable that she go to Phoenix by herself. I asked her what else she planned on doing there. She said that she was going to do the run and come home. Then I pressed her about the internet search regarding the tours and mountain climbing. She made some excuse. “Yeah, I just don’t want to sit in the hotel room all day.”
This again, just didn’t add up. I regrettably told her that I didn’t feel that it was the right thing to do at this stage in our relationship and if she went she could just stay out and not come home because I would change the locks on the doors. This was controlling and I later retracted this statement.
The conversation went on and on. She professed that she was going alone and she needed this time to herself. If she were having an affair that she would be held up in the hotel room the entire time having sex. I know better than that now. For her, touring and having quality time with an other person would be what she craves not a weekend of sex. That is her fantasy ..... the sex would be something that she would give in return that evening for the quality time that was shared that day.
I said if she went that would I agree to the divorce and I would see a lawyer the next week. This seemed to disturb her. It was like, hey not so fast. She was upset that I don’t trust her but who could blame me. I want so much to believe her but it just doesn’t seem right.
I am following Robx’s advice and agreeing with the divorce, selling the house, and letting her progress with her fantasy. Somewhere I feel there is a hesitancy on her part. She cries when I am firm about moving forward. I validate her thoughts and I’m unemotional. This is what she wants, then lets do it.
I asked her if there are areas where she doesn’t trust me. She said that she “doesn’t trust that I will protect and take care of her and that I have changed." "Things will always be the same." I was sorry that she felt that way.
I told her I could get in touch with a real estate agent and get the home on the market ASAP. She wants to wait until the spring. I said that we should see a counselor before we see a divorce mediation attorney. She agreed.
I don’t think my W really wants a divorce. Like Robx has said, she is testing me and doesn’t trust that this change is for real. She wants me to be a real man who she can count on to protect her and respect. I feel much better about where things are now and I understand her position.
With all this said, I need some advice. OK DBusters, where should I go from here?
Me:49 W: 41 Kids=D14/D14/S10 Married: 15 Together: 16 Bomb: 08/26/09 Currently: separated but in the different houses.
Have I suggested Retrouvaille to you yet? You can find information on their website, www.helpourmarriage.org. It is a full weekend of learning effective communication with your spouse. It is not marriage counseling. That is, they guide you in doing all the work yourselves, just the two of you. No third party sitting in. This is done by teaching you the rules. If you both follow the rules for effective communication, called dialoguing, you don't need a referee. In most places Retrouvaille is only offered 4 times a year. but there are a lot of them in January and Feb., so now is a good time to look into it. Retrouvaille turned my marriage around. For those who complete the program, Retrouvaille is successful 80% of the time.
Doc, keep it up. I completely understand you on the trust issue. Our NYE were about the same except W fell asleep at 930 and I watched black and white movies with MIL. More to come.
Doc, I am on blackberry and contection times out so I may need to break this into several discrete posts. Sorry to clutter your threat. You sound a bit off your game? You suggested MC and your W agreed? Seems promising. Take the drivers seat on this issue. Have you two had MC before? Select and interview your C. counselor. You are a professional, any C should respond to your call. Take charge on this. Next, I'll post on Pheonix.
