First things first- Happy New Year, everyone. I meant to post that last night and forgot after writing out the other.
Now some journaling in response to the replies above- I didn't see it as dating, dating implies more than the outings I had. I don't know what I would call it other than taking the easy route of going with what's normal and familiar for me. (Although the getting roughed up part was a first- it's never happened before that I said no to something but the guy did it anyways, plus the other crap he pulled that night. Took me over a week to shake that one off.)
I honestly don't know what I was/am thinking or why I'm acting out like this. (The questions I'm asking myself are in the previous post.) I'm also not sure what it takes/means to "heal", like everyone said, or what exactly needs to be healed. Resentment that H was/is so willing, and excited, to give me away sexually to other men? Resentment about H needing "sexual variety" in his life? H said over and over, that it's "nothing personal" about me because we had a very good sex life, he just needed more. "How much more personal can you get? Now, piss off!!" is what I should have said but didn't (Apologies to Monty Python... )
H isn't changing his tune, he's made that clear, so I don't know what or why I'm doing anything right now. Plus he says he stands by his assessment that it wasn't the real me at the first MC session, I'm just not that good so I was obviously coached or acting or something. And he would love a tumble in the sheets with me, go figure... And in the meanwhile, he's bending over backwards to be nice and accommodating, like picking stuff up for me to be comfortable at apartment, or asking if I want this, that or the other thing from the house. He's only mentioned the outside activities a couple of times or so since I left, so maybe I'm making a bigger deal of it in my own head than it needs to be. And I know I really don't have much to complain about compared to others, he's not hurting my kids, me or my stuff, so I think I look like a dumb@ss by posting all this.
I know logically the right thing to do is to have no contact except when it relates to the kids. I'm not even the one initiating the contact right now, and don't engage in lengthy conversation when he does. I keep it civil, polite and brief. I am trying to get this all sorted out in my head. And I am calling again on Monday to get additional IC appointments beyond the one on 1/14.
) 
