Lost, I know that this is difficult for you, but you are still trying to analyze his every move....don't. You are going to drive yourself crazy.
What you want for your girls is a stable environment, an environment, whereby they have a roof over their heads, food on the table and the love of both parents. Right now, you are the stable parent. Your h does love his family, but that is stuffed way down at the bottom of his soul. There will be times when he will do something that is totally normal for the man he was. These are called moments of sanity.
Keep the focus on you and your girls! Allow God to have the time to work on your husband.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
You have asked a lot of questions and received a lot of great answers.
Basically they all say the same thing I am going to….
Focus on you. STOP thinking about what H is doing, how he is doing it, what he is thinking when he asks you for lunch, walks in the door early, or even talks about D.
The reason for it is simple. IF you don’t, you will fall apart. You will not be able to do anything regarding your own life and you will feel powerless. Then the MLC monster has not only ruined your H, but it has ruined you. IT has control over everything and that does not serve your kids.
You keep asking what you will do if he files. IF you have gotten stronger, you will handle it in the best way you can at the time it happens. IF you haven’t grown and worked on yourself, you will probably have a break down of sorts.
The end of the world does not come with some one filing for D. It does not come because we are let down by our S. It does not come if we do not have a reconciled M.
It will come for you if you can not face these things as they happen, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and make the best of a situation you did not want or ask for.
Right now, it really doesn’t matter what his doctor has told him or what the President of the United States tells him. He is in his own world. He is right, and that is the bottom line. It makes no sense. It defies logic and the sooner you can accept that, the sooner you will just start shaking your head at the insanity instead of letting it suck you in. That is a really good step towards detatchment.
I work with disabled people as my career. These are people who deal with problems on a daily basis that I would not wish on my worst enemy. What it has taught me over the years, is that there is always a way to find the good in a situation. There is always a way to over come, adapt, adjust. No life is not fair. It isn’t fair that those of us here have been invaded by the MLC aliens, but it is, in most cases a short term invasion, less than a lifetime, even though it seems like an eternity. What you can learn from it, are life long lessons, that will make you stronger, healthier, happier, and whole as a person.
God only give us what we can handle. And the outcome, is always the right one for us, even if it may not seem like it right now. You can do this.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
you are also right Cat...just like everyone else! it is in asking these questions here and getting in return the same responses that is helping to make me stronger.
repetitive i know and i apologize for that! i am a fixer...i need to understand the problems...in mlc you cant.
instead of badgering him, i come here to find some peace.
everything i want to be able to do is against what i need to do, i know this, its the reminding that keeps me going and writing this stuff for the support!
thank you and everone else who is reminding me!!
me 39 h 38 kids 9 and 6 h left 8/9/09 loving and devoted wife and mother still going...10 months later...
