Deployed Soldier/Father needs your help

[SoldierDad]

Puppy,
I don't think she was thinking about the legal aspect-but I could be wrong.

I agree on the possess thing. She wanted to get some sort of control back-NOW I HAVE TO TAKE MY CONTROL BACK FROM HER!!!!

I am so stupid. I beleived her when she said she wanted to work on things, I BELIEVED THE WOMAN THAT DECEIVED ME.

I wanted to believe her, I wanted to trust her, but I don't.

I was weak, I was dumb, I was naive.

I was in control when I was there too-I know she felt it.

I can't believe how stupid I am.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Puppy,
I don't think she was thinking about the legal aspect-but I could be wrong.

Let us know what your attorney says.

Puppy

[Gnosis]

OK SD, get off the "stupid" train. Sh!t happens... then we deal with it. You're still in control. You changing tack now will give her a WTF moment. Which isn't bad at all. Turn this around in your own favor.

Sure there might be a legal hiccup, and you'll have to live with that. Other than that, as you can see, many fall for this. What makes you think that you're different? You wanted to believe her, no one can fault you on that.

In fact, with all the spew she was throwing, none of us saw that coming or else we would have warned you about it.

[SoldierDad]

Gnosis,
thanks for the 2x4. I am in control. I am going dark-again.

I feel like I am starting over-well, I guess I am.

I promise before I do or say ANYTHING from now on, I will consult here first. I really don't want to mess up anything else!!

Puppy, will do. Will probably be next week because of the holiday.

Thanks all.

[givingitmyall]

OK SD, get off the "stupid" train. Sh!t happens... then we deal with it. You're still in control. You changing tack now will give her a WTF moment. Which isn't bad at all. Turn this around in your own favor.

Sure there might be a legal hiccup, and you'll have to live with that. Other than that, as you can see, many fall for this. What makes you think that you're different? You wanted to believe her, no one can fault you on that.

In fact, with all the spew she was throwing, none of us saw that coming or else we would have warned you about it.

Yep. SYOP beating yourself up. Learn from it, don't do it again, but LET IT GO.

Let's try to turn this negative into a positive. You don't know what is in her head. She may be having teh same types of thoughts as you - are we ok, is he going to take me back. So, let's us this to your advantage.

Which means, get back on task with the exact same plan you had before the ML.

Give her the WTF moment. But you just slept with me, so I thought everything was ok. Well, while ML was nice, I think it was the wrong thing to do. So, I have decided that will not happen again until I am comfrotable with where I want to go with the M. And I'm just going to have to give that some thought. I'll get back with you on that.

[Gnosis]

.
SD, with the new year starting I've got some old lumber lying around...

is there a way I can recover and move forward?

Yes. It's called assessment and damage control. Your L will inform you on the legalities when you speak to him next week. As for moving forward... you're doing that already.

Looking back, and thinking about it, I feel like she played me, seeing if she still "had" me. Why did I fall for that crap? I guess I want my M to work so bad-I thought she was being sincere.

Because this is what you wanted deep down inside. You wanted to believe that the last few weeks have all been a bad dream. You wanted to believe her. You wanted to believe in Santa Claus. You're not infallible.

What can I do to fix this?

You do what every soldier does... make the best of the situation and turn it around to your advantage.

God, I feel like I did when I first came here. Like I have made NO progress.

BULLSHIRT! You've made a ton of progress. You have your legal ducks in a row. You have set the ball rolling. You have handled yourself with strength and honor. Wassamatter witcha? Pull yourself together.

I havent contacted W since last night. I feel like such a fool. I can't believe I was that stupid to buy into her crap.

Good that you've been out of touch. You let her chase you. You don't tell her a thing, let her think everything is "just fine". Remember... the right hand mustn't know what the left is doing. DON'T REVEAL YOUR CARDS!!!! Let her think all is OK on the battlefront. Play dumb. You're going to avoid contact.

Let's look on the bright side of this:
1) when you call home to speak to the kids from now on... she's gonna let you!!! Isn't that GREAT!!! Woohoo! Priceless!
2) You got laid on your trip home. YEAH!

What is wrong with me? Why did I do that?

Bright side: Nothing wrong with you. You're a healthy male and have needs... you got your rocks off.

If I did anything to destroy my case legally, I am really going to be hurt and upset. I live in Texas, so don't know the consequences.

Neither do I. You'll get over it.

I will continue to do what I was doing BEFORE I got tagged.

Good. And don't forget that now that you're wiser... you're also craftier.

Somebody please explain to me what it is she wanted from all of that?

To blow smoke up your a$$ while she gets her ducks in a row.

I agree on the possess thing. She wanted to get some sort of control back-NOW I HAVE TO TAKE MY CONTROL BACK FROM HER!!!!

Duh! You've always had the control, there's nothing to get back.

I beleived her when she said she wanted to work on things, I BELIEVED THE WOMAN THAT DECEIVED ME.

So did Adam, Samson, Julius Caesar, Marc Antony... and many more. Turn your thinking around to this: You're in the company of GREAT men. See what a difference mindset makes?

I was in control when I was there too-I know she felt it.

And you're still in control. Your advantage now is that she doesn't know it...

I feel like I am starting over-well, I guess I am.

Nope. The foundations you have set are still solid. You just had a bit of bad weather and a wall fell down. You'll rebuild it, stronger and better this time around.

I promise before I do or say ANYTHING from now on, I will consult here first. I really don't want to mess up anything else!!

Do you honestly think every one here is perfect? Far from it. We've all screwed up and are going to continue to screw up. When we're in the thick of battle we make do with the resources we've got. We learn from our mistakes and try not to repeat them.

Don't focus on the negative.
Don't bury your head in the sand.
Look for positives and alternatives.
Look to make the best of every situation without deluding yourself.

We're here to provide tactical and strategic information. I've ever seen a textbook plan executed to perfection. Real life has hiccups and even the best laid plans can fall apart.

You're the one who is on the front-line.

[Lotus]

I have read through much, not all, of the progress on this thread. And it has seemed to me that the W was wild and out of control. i didn't like her either. But, this seems to have turned into a wife bashing thread. I don't know her motivations. And I can't predict the future. But she did convince SD that she wanted to reconcile before he left. Why doesn't anyone give her the benefit of the doubt? I don't know what to think, but I like that SD approached her openly and honestly from his side. I hate to hear all this talk about getting his legal ducks in a row, etc. Can we not trust SD to deal with his wife? Do we have to say that he made a mistake by being open and honest and trusting with the woman he married? i think this thread has gotten too cynical.

[Gnosis]

Lotus, I take offense to that.

Maybe we have become cynical, but can you logically explain the "epiphany" that seems to have struck her?

- she turns S15 against his father
- she jumps on a plane to have a wild week of fun 'n games with OM #x
- she terrorizes him with texts and emails for weeks
- she sends pictures to SD of lover and how wonderful he is
- she gets him kicked out of the marital home
- she gets him banned from base
- she takes a restraining order out on him

and then in one day she has an epiphany and everything is red roses? How many times have we seen this gas-lighting on the board? Come on! How can we NOT be suspicious? WAW's simply do NOT turn around that quick... especially when there have been multiple OM's in the picture before.

If what I wrote could be read as wife bashing then I apologize. My intention was to warn SD to be on his guard. If his W truly wants back she's got a lot of damage to repair... and a quick roll in the hay, a brief tear-jerker and a few hours of conversation are NOT going to cut it.

If she truly wants to fix this she's going to work for it.

[Lotus]

Didn't mean to offend, G. But look at all the military words you used in your post above. You describe the relationship as a battle or a war. I am aware that "all's fair in love in war" as they say. But we need to be able to tell the difference.

[givingitmyall]

Lotus,

I take no offense, but I have to respectfully disagree with you here. I don't think the thread is too cynical. Gnosis laid out the reasons why I think we have some VERY reasonable, well founded concerns.

For me, I only have to ask one question. What did SD's W do to earn back HIS trust? Just look at all she redily admitted to doing. AND involving the kids in her bad decisions and trying to pit them against their father.

I have no problem with SD (and it's HIS issue not mine) being open to the possibility of reconciling and keeping his family together. I just think his W has a LONG way to go to show she is truly interested in that. She may well be, but I think it is way too soon for SD to trust her.

I hope you don't take offense at my post as I do enjoy reading your posts and listening to your advice.