I didn't get the chance, but I hope your Holidays were good. I also wish you nothing but the best for the upcoming New Year!!
I think both of us are so hurt/confused by everything that has happened, that with all of this M talk happening so fast, we both have our guard up. She is concerned that I won't change, and well, I am concerned about OM, and her commitment to the M.
I am scared of what is going on, so I am sure she is as well.
I will cautiously but optimistically approach all of this, with the help of my friends on here, as well as my W.
"embrace the suck" - Coach "don't go all "Melty Man" on us" - Puppy Let Go and Let God Finally "Got It" - 15 Jan 2010
Congratulations SD, you've been "tagged." Don't worry, you haven't let anyone down. This has happened to others and is not unusual.
Ever wonder how devious women can be? Well... now you know.
NOTHING'S CHANGED
A WAW doesn't "come to her senses" overnight. Especially a day or two before you're leaving. Especially after a "wonderful weekend with Mr Texas Millionaire.
All she did was leave her mark on you to keep you in line.
Why?
That's anyone's guess. My guess is: You wrecked the OM#1 relationship with the guy in the barracks. He's probably running scared and told her to hit the road. Then OM#2 (Mr Texan) got the lay he wanted, smelt a rat, and sent her packing too. So, what's a girl to do? Um... yeah... SH!T!!! I gotta get SD back on the rails so he stops rocking the boat while I hunt out OM#3 or 4 or 5 or whatever...
Your W is playing you! Get checked for STD's immediately. There's no knowing what kind of a parting gift she gave you. And, yeah, that was a dumb mistake. LEARN FROM IT.
You want my opinion? Inform your lawyer about it. NOTHING'S CHANGED. You go back to your previous plans. If she asks you what the heck is going on? Why did you sleep with her? Blah, blah, blah... You tell her, "Sorry, that was a mistake. Right now I'm not sure how I feel about you. I need to see how I feel." Someone will have better lines for you... it's late here and I've just come back from a beach party.
Keep holding the line. Don't forget the golden rule: CHEATERS LIE!
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
Congratulations SD, you've been "tagged." Don't worry, you haven't let anyone down. This has happened to others and is not unusual.
Ever wonder how devious women can be? Well... now you know.
NOTHING'S CHANGED
A WAW doesn't "come to her senses" overnight. Especially a day or two before you're leaving. Especially after a "wonderful weekend with Mr Texas Millionaire.
All she did was leave her mark on you to keep you in line.
Why?
That's anyone's guess. My guess is: You wrecked the OM#1 relationship with the guy in the barracks. He's probably running scared and told her to hit the road. Then OM#2 (Mr Texan) got the lay he wanted, smelt a rat, and sent her packing too. So, what's a girl to do? Um... yeah... SH!T!!! I gotta get SD back on the rails so he stops rocking the boat while I hunt out OM#3 or 4 or 5 or whatever...
Your W is playing you! Get checked for STD's immediately. There's no knowing what kind of a parting gift she gave you. And, yeah, that was a dumb mistake. LEARN FROM IT.
You want my opinion? Inform your lawyer about it. NOTHING'S CHANGED. You go back to your previous plans. If she asks you what the heck is going on? Why did you sleep with her? Blah, blah, blah... You tell her, "Sorry, that was a mistake. Right now I'm not sure how I feel about you. I need to see how I feel." Someone will have better lines for you... it's late here and I've just come back from a beach party.
Keep holding the line. Don't forget the golden rule: CHEATERS LIE!
This. ^
You fell off the bike -- hard. Time to get back up on it, and start pedaling as you were pre-tagging.
Tagging and crocodile tears/faux remorse -- all VERY common. I really hope you didn't screw yourself legally.
Just go back to the EXACT plan, and the EXACT demeanor, that you were doing prior. When she asks you 'WFT?' just respond as suggested by someone above.
Other than legally, it's entirely fixable. Not sure how your state works, but some jurisdictions that are "fault" ones, that do allow an "infidelity" action, will see the LM as tacit approval and a wiping of the slate as far as the adultery is concerned.
Medically, if you didn't use protection, I'd strongly advise that you get tested -- now, and again in about six months.
Yup - in my state if you sleep with your spouse up to SEVEN years once an affair is discovered it also "wipes the slate clean" as far as the law is concerned.
My attny warned me up and down to NOT sleep with my H (lol, no chance of that happening) under any circumstance as it means I essentially "consented" to his affair while we were legally married therefore any mention of it would not matter as I consented to sexual relations with my H. Not exactly sure how one would prove they did or did not but don't make that mistake again as far as the law is concerned.
Legally, she may have used it as a very powerful tactic.
Emotionally, she wanted to "possess" you again -- to get back the emotional control over you that she no doubt felt she had lost.
Just google "tagging" "sex" and do some reading on it. It's more common than you think.
Why did you fall for it? Because you are human, and you were weak. I did too, although not until much further along in the process. She had ended her affair, and we were reconciling, but I had made "No ML until you get a full-panel STD test, and show me the results" one of my boundaries for taking her back. And I totally caved on it, and it weakened my hand greatly.
I didn't want to come right out and say it but it isn't uncommon for the cheating spouse to be advised to seduce/sleep with the LBS so the affair is wiped clean.
As per my attny he also told me it isn't uncommon for the cheater to attend IC for a short while to show the courts "he/she tried". By then the LBS is so ticked off and has gone dark and the WAS can actually use it against the LBS. In my state there is a vested interest in keep marriages in tact hence the horrid divorce laws.
