Well, me and the guys are off for New Years Eve pedicures...NOT. Actually, STBX asked me if I'd like to join her and the girls tonight so I'll be dropping over there. I'm to bring fake wine. Tomorrow it's New Years dinner at STBX's and my parents will be joining us, my best friend can't make it but I saw him last night so it all works out. After this it's back to being myself again, back to being the single guy I really am. But it will be D15's birthday shortly so we'll all be going out for that family event...and after that it will be an out of town gymnastics meet...I guess I'm still the family guy! I saw the therapist this morning and my homework for the next two weeks is to read a book called "Mind Over Mood" and jot down thoughts...bad ones, of course, that come up for me. I am starting to recognize that it is OK to feel grief, hurt etc about things and people in my past and still be able to try to understand how those things occured. I have this idea that if what someone has done something to me and there is a logical, understandable reason (even if it is wrong)then I somehow should not allow myself to feel the hurt. I can just explain it away as "their problem" etc. No need for tears, feelings etc. I just move on and keep rebuilding my life like a good little soldier...suck it up and carry on. I was taught well and did my duty, nothing was gonna drag me down...no sir. Therapist says that is a strategy based on fear. I'm afraid that if I let myself "fall apart" or feel a little too much about a sad situation I won't be able to pull myself back together. From what I've read it's a typical male response. I always thought I was being brave, a trooper but apparently I'm a chicken sh!t Apparently, real men do eat quiche, have pedicures .. and show feelings too...who'd of thunk it! Anyway,in all seriousness, I'm continuing to learn it doesn't have to be all or nothing. One can understand or explain a situation but still feel damn hurt by it. Live and learn...and learn...and learn! Happy New Years DBers...swing on by the Nail Salon and see me if you happen to be in the area.
Apparently, real men do eat quiche, have pedicures .. and show feelings too...who'd of thunk it! Anyway,in all seriousness, I'm continuing to learn it doesn't have to be all or nothing. One can understand or explain a situation but still feel damn hurt by it. Live and learn...and learn...and learn!
