Newbie with almost WAW - Need Advice

[Awoken]

Hi Junco,

Great post with your draft plan; I saved it for myself to read over. You asked for comments, so here are mine:

1. PMA, PMA, PMA! If I find this challenging, may have to start ADs

I'm using the book "learned optimism", and it's been pretty helpful so far.
The AD's take at least two weeks before they start to have any benefit; maybe you should start them anyway?

2. Continue to work on positive changes in my life, especially the ones that I know that I need and that she has placed on the laundry list. Try to regain some of her respect.

3. Start going to MC, let her know that she is welcome to come and let her know each time I go. Continue with my therapy for depression.

Both of these sound like they might be about her. I suggest you work on the changes in your life that think YOU need to make. I haven't read your entire thread yet, but I'm assuming you are like all of us LBS, in that you have suddenly realized your faults in the M. Yes, address the ones that you honestly think you are at fault for, and do it because you want to be a better Junco. My (very limited) experience so far is that WAW can tell the difference between you making changes to pursue them and just for yourself, often better than LBS can.

Again, if she is not interested in MC, why tell her? I'm worried it just going to be part of a guilt-trip for her.

5. Learn to love myself, regain my self respect. Set goals for self improvement. Continue to read self-improvement books

Part of your plan/goals is to "set goals"? I dunno if this is you or not, but I found I've spent too much time reading self-help books, and not enough time doing stuff to help myself.
I suggest you write down or post exactly what your goals for self-improvement are.

6. Accept that my M is probably a goner, really work towards detachment.

7. Reconnect with family and old friends

8. Keep home a nice place to be for both me and W

These sound like things on your list for self improvement. Great stuff! Accept that your old marriage is already gone: you want a new and better one.

9. GAL. I am really bad about this.

Yes, this is hard! Imagine what you WANT out of life (I'm not talking about saving your M), and go after it...daily.
Don't make GAL decisions based on what will impact your W, or on what will save your M. It's easier to do if you pursue your own needs for self-improvement. I'm still struggling with this, since I spend so much time worrying about my W and my M. This is not only counter-intuitive, it's almost contradictory!

10. I need to create mystery and upset the balance of control. My W has me locked down and she knows it. GAL will be a start to this (other suggestions most welcome!)

GAL and detachment should help with this, right?
I need to read your thread, but with your W involved with OM, it seems to me that you are spending too much energy on her, and this is preventing your GAL and detachment.

Sandi gave you such great replies, so I'm just pitching in here. Let me tell you, I'm replying here as part of my own GAL plans. I'm not very social, and participating in the forums here is a big step outside my comfort zone.

I wish you the best, Junco!