Thanks Nut. I think my contributions to the marital problems were:
-using intellectualization when mad. My wife calls it "being holier than thou" -being judgmental of her smoking (and some of her friends) -not learning enough about her banking job (she complained that I didn't know who anyone she talked about was, though I'd never met most people at her bank) -not attending to my work hours (I frequently worked late nights 3 or 4 nights a week) which made my wife feel that her job was less important (she was home to let the nanny go at 6. I took that for granted since I make so much more money than her) -investing my emotional needs in my work and patients. -overriding her wishes on parenting choices (unintentionally)
So I can see that i have work to do. I don't think it warrants her spitefulness and affair. But maybe that's where I can put my energy, esp. with the New Year around the corner. Dbag is somehow meeting her needs. I guess that's my job.
Its hard to draw balance those two things-being able to better meet her needs while drawing that line in the sand on her behaviors. I guess it's called parenting?
