One of the things I learned today is that my wife had a conversation last night (I was out, trying to GAL) with the boys, and she told them that we were getting a divorce, among other things, and told my oldest not to talk to me about it. This puts him in a terrible position, so I tried to talk to him about there being no secrets about mom and dad's situation. It just strikes me as incredibly mean spirited for her to do that.
That merits a conversation with your wife (and documentation to your lawyer). She shouldn't have had that conversation with the kids without your participation. You don't want your kids keeping secrets from you...but you also want them to know that you'll never ask them to do anything that hurt their mommy. Your kids are at a very vulnerable age. It is worth taking them to a child psychologist (with your wife) and talking about how to get through this crisis without hurting them. That will help you and your wife establish some ground rules. I'm assuming here that your wife also has the kids' best interest at heart.
Originally Posted By: Norseman05
My situation now, in my mind, is such that I think, along with setting boundaries, I need to change some habits. Maybe I'm too controlling, maybe there is some truth in her saying that. And I hate that our situation feeds into that (me having to dole out the money bc she was "stealing" it, etc). I guess I need to really GAL, and I'm not doing as good a job at that as I thought previously. Who knows.
Has the "controlling" complaint been a common one throughout your marriage, or has it come up fairly recently? In the former case, it could mean you have soome work to do. In the latter case, it might be a reaction to your boundaries regarding dbag and money.
You haven't talked much about how your marriage was before this crisis (not criticism, just observation) so it's hard for anyone here to give you feedback about how you interact(ed) with your wife. If you believe you were controlling in your marriage, look for areas of your marriage where you could loosen up without violating your main boundaries.
Originally Posted By: Norseman05
I'm tired of this up and down emotional trauma. One minute I'm feeling strong, then the next minute I'm feeling hopeless.
That's why they call it emotional roller coaster. You'll make it, your boys are depending on you.
