It's been a long time since I have posted. I don't have much time to myself these days as I am still spending a large amount of my time taking my father to his therapies (he suffered a stroke in July). Anyway, I thought I would post an update on my sitch for some possible encouragement to those out there wondering if any of them really do come back…
My H is planning on moving back in with me as of the end of the month. He told me and our C that he is 80% sure that he wants to come back and he gave his 30 day notice for his apartment yesterday.
Next February will be the 3 year mark since he left. It has been a long road with lots of twists and turns including him filing for divorce...and I am sure there are still more twists and turns to come. My H's pending return is not due to the long overdue epiphany I was so sure he was going to have...it is because I drew the line. I told him he had until the end of the year or I was done. I understand that giving ultimatums is usually not the way to go with someone having a MLC, however, I was (and still am) at the point of not really caring which way this relationship goes. I just know that I have been in limbo far too long and I have to move forward either with or without my H. I am sure it helps that my sitch is probably less complex than many on this board…there has been no known OW and my H never went too long without trying to make some connection with me. As I have become more emotionally disconnected from my H, it has become clearer to me that he does not want to lose me.
If this would have happened 2 years ago, maybe even a year ago, I would have been ecstatic…now, I am unsure. I have become comfortable living on my own (with my kids). I don’t need my H or any other man in my life to make me happy. Why do I feel that I need more than this? I enjoy my H’s company most of the time but I am perfectly okay when he leaves. When he moves back, it will not be like it was when we first were married with all the anticipation and newness of everything. When he moves back, we will have to readjust to being a couple again and tolerate each other’s little quirks. Plus, I am quite sure he is still not entirely finished with his MLC. He is still quite self-absorbed much of the time.
Upside, I wish more people on this board would follow your example. Most people just don't seem to get it. Waiting and hoping, and not setting firm boundaries will not bring the Spouse back. It will only encourage them to keep doing what they are doing.
I agree with Jack. There will be many ups and downs. Some days you will feel like "what the heck am I doing this for?" Yes,the sex is great. He has to earn your trust back and it will and like Jack says don't let him overstep his boundries.
This is the hardest part but worth every minute of it!
Upside, Thanks for the update. I am glad that you are in a place where you can feel you will be OK even if it does not work out. I agree that some skepticism is good, but as the book says, look how very far you have come!
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
so good to hear your update Yes a long road it has been Im happy yours did turn out this way good is ahead you have done amazing also hope your dad is getting better keep us posted!
peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
My life has been crazy busy through the holidays but I am hoping that the new year will be less hectic.
Today is my H's deadline for moving home however there is no real indication that he will make that deadline. He just got back from vacation with his D (3rd year of going on vacation at Christmas). He also didn't give his written notice to his apartment managers until Dec.10 so he has some time to get out of his apartment.
My H does have some clothes at my house but has yet to move anything of significance over. I've barely spoken with him in the last week while he was on vacation and when I spoke with him when he got back last night, the conversation didn't go well. I had to stop by his office today and he didn't seem very excited to see me after being gone a week. No hug or kiss of any kind. I'm feeling uneasy about him moving back...maybe I am just reading way too much into everything. Maybe.
I thought he was really making progress and starting to reconnect with me before he went on his vacation. I'm not feeling that right now. Is it him? Is it me? Both? Is he acting distant because the deadline is here or is it because he just spent a week with his D who doesn't like me?
I just need remind myself to relax and let whatever is going to happen happen. No expectations still!
