Moving back in

[Bridgestone]

she has something planned that she is working on,,,

I'll lay my odds on this one. She's detaching & separating.. "yours" "mine".

just happy with the fact that I stood up for my self and she swimming in the consequences of her actions...

Yep you stood up for yourself.. It is empowering to do so. but I'm confused how is that actions SHE took & what consequences are you referring to? What do you mean by this statement?

Seems to me, & I realize I represent a minority perspective on heere...like you have shown her you can't be trusted to follow through on what you said you'd do.

The way I understand it.. you BOTH agreed to take a 6 months separation with you leaving the marital home.. did I misunderstand that piece?

Then, you unilaterally decided to not continue to do that & move back home without talking it over with her the same respect she showed you in asking for the separation, & not only that you dropped this on her in MC at the last minute as the counselor pointed out.

From a WAW perspective.. you just confirmed you can't be trusted to do what you say you're going to do.

Just for the record, LBS aren't the only ones who work by the premise, believe none of what they say & only 1/2 of what they do.

I really like how you addressed the kids with honesty & dignitiy... however, for the most part they will be old (12 & 15 right?) enough to make decisions of where they want to be.

Be prepared though for them to make choices different than what you 'think' they should make & what they "should" be comfortable with.

I don't think you can keep their mother from sharing custody with you if she leaves the home.. she can't 'kidnap' them obviously, but you also can't hold them hostage & keep them from her new abode either, if that is the path she chooses to take.

I hope you find the strength & compassion for yourself & her to deal with this in the patient, honorable way I'm sure you will need & want to do.

Peace
Bridge

[DDogs]

[quote=DDogs] she has something planned that she is working on,,,

I'll lay my odds on this one. She's detaching & separating.. "yours" "mine".

just happy with the fact that I stood up for my self and she swimming in the consequences of her actions...

Yep you stood up for yourself.. It is empowering to do so. but I'm confused how is that actions SHE took & what consequences are you referring to? What do you mean by this statement?

the consequences I was referring to were w agreed to a controlled separation for each to figure things out when W never intended figure things just get me out of the house and then D, possibly in her mind to make the break easier,, once I began realizing it was a scam, I reclaimed my home very much to her dislike...

Seems to me, & I realize I represent a minority perspective on heere...like you have shown her you can't be trusted to follow through on what you said you'd do.

The way I understand it.. you BOTH agreed to take a 6 months separation with you leaving the marital home.. did I misunderstand that piece?

Then, you unilaterally decided to not continue to do that & move back home without talking it over with her the same respect she showed you in asking for the separation, & not only that you dropped this on her in MC at the last minute as the counselor pointed out.

From a WAW perspective.. you just confirmed you can't be trusted to do what you say you're going to do.

Just for the record, LBS aren't the only ones who work by the premises believe none of what they say & only 1/2 of what they do.

in MC w and I decided on a trial sep at the advice of MC for each to work on things...it was for several months, no specific time frame was selected.. W assumed it was for 6 mos. but either way it didn't matter.. W admitted in MC she never intended on doing anything but move for a D when I returned.. So W began this unilaterally as an attempt to get me out of the marital home....so what's the difference whether I return at 4 mos or 6, W was intending to do the same regardless, once I smelled scam, I decided I needed to take control of my sitch..

in our last session with 15 min left W begins talking about what an impasse she is at and felt she need to do something to move herself in a forward direction and for something that was best for her.. she began pressing me for mediation as a prelude to D... I deflected and felt this was a perfect time to express what I felt was best for me, I stated my intent to move back for the best interest of ME and my kids. The fact that there was only 5 min left is irrelevant, I did not go into the session planning at the last minute to drop it and run that's just how the story played out. And that's what happens sometimes in C,,issues come up there is no agenda of issues, it flows,, sucked for W this time, but, that's life..

I really like how you addressed the kids with honesty & dignitiy... however, for the most part they will be old (12 & 15 right?) enough to make decisions of where they want to be.

Be prepared though for them to make choices different than what you 'think' they should make & what they "should" be comfortable with.

[quote]I don't think you can keep their mother from sharing custody with you if she leaves the home.. she can't 'kidnap' them obviously, but you also can't hold them hostage & keep them from her new abode either, if that is the path she chooses to take.

W intent is for full custody of the kids...in her perfect world I'd get them every other weekend.

[DDogs]

UPDATE:

to validate the scam I felt, I just reviewed an email from my son to his friend.. " my mom got an attorney a few days ago, he said if dad tries to come back she could call the cops if she wanted,,,"

I think now that if I hadn't done what I did, when I did it,, It may have been a bit more difficult for me down the road to do the same..

Mind you, this was not a legal sep, it was a controlled therapeutic sep.. at the time NO L were involved in the process..

[ClingingToHope]

I have a question. Do you actually love your W? Or is this a step to get the house?

[DDogs]

C2H

Yes, I love my W, I want to heal the M and move forward. The house, if sold will be barely a break even, slight loss.. so no payday for anyone, except getting out from under it..

Again, I do Love my W but, I do not like the situation. I am trying ways to change the sitch, so we can have love and respect in a better sitch... right now, I feel like I'm being pushed into a corner, so I'm pushing back,,, no less love for the W, just hate for the sitch.

[ClingingToHope]

Just asking. I don't get that impression from your posts.

[Bridgestone]

I decided I needed to take control of my sitch..

and I will anticipate, she will arrive at the same decision.. hence her statement about "my food".

felt she need to do something ... something that was best for her..

I stated my intent to move back for the best interest of ME and my kids.

expect something similar from her.. what SHE has decided is in her & the kids best interest

it appears you two have some similarities even in this mess, you both are deciding to do what you each feel is best ... sadly they are two different things.

The fact that there was only 5 min left is irrelevant,.... sucked for W this time, but, that's life

LOL... yep, this time it sucked to be her & i will hazard a guess, in her eyes, it was because of you... WAS have long memories.

I sincerely hope you can keep that perspective... "that's life" ...when it sucks to be you, it will help with this long slow process.

Peace
Bridge

[DDogs]

C2H:

I guess my anger shows though a bit in my writings,,, I am definitely angry over what is happening to my marriage. I guess I could say my love was given to a women other than the person living with me now.

[DDogs]

Let the games continue....

while checking my phone acct on line I discovered that w finally removed her cell phone from my account. I called home because I was expecting a package from fed ex.. W answers (I thought she was at work). it was an awkwared hello ... I asked W to make sure one of the kids would be around to accept it. She says ok. very short 1 word answers... I can sense she is still pissed and is angry about just having to speak with me even over the phone...

I ask/remind her about settling the phone account and w replied that she had taken care of it already.. I also reminded her that her car ins expires at midnight tonite...W replies she'll take care of it... W says, here's your D and hands the phone to her.. I speak with D and have a good conversation and hang up.

I go work out in the gym and afterwards see that I missed a call from the W cell phone.... (I expect my pkg arrived)I call back to the W phone and say that I saw I missed her call, W very coldly,smartly replies, "I didn't call, your D did", I said "oh, I assumed it was you because of the number that was displayed".

W coldly says "here, D wants to talk with you", I speak to D again and D is excited because my new I-phone arrived and D knew it was coming and wants to play with it. we talk and I hang up.

IDK, it appears W is trying to play games by saying it wasn't her that called me from her phone it was your D, childish head games.......I calmly reply and am civil...I have been very nice and polite, pleasant, and calm when in her presence,,, I feel a vibe true resentment from W about me being back home,,, Well too, f'n bad..

I am trying to be patient, will interact mainly with the kids and dogs..very cool frosty feel at home,, nothing I didn't expect. Just trying to find my normal in this situation..

I expect/infer from actions W is considering what to do next to try and regain the control she has lost,, I'm not giving in to arguments or respond to her frosty attitude... I'm preparing for a bomb of some sort (in her mind) so W can counter my returning home...a "gotcha moment"... grow up, please!

[gettingthere]

DD you got the kahunas !!I feel that i can do the same , what the hell i aint got much to lose . Keep us updated and i will do the same , tommorow is going to be fun !!!