A tumble of thoughts occurred yesterday while out and about.
For everything disparaging I've written about the former spouse, there's usually something I would never divulge about my actions, big and small. This is a learning board not a self flagellation whipping post.
The more accountability, acceptance I take with my actions now and in the past, the sooner things get better. Guilt erodes any and all relationships. Neither the former spouse or I truly forgave each other for our different transgressions on varying levels. And that's one thing that breaks a relationship. There's a difference between compromising and being compromised. I was so twisted trying to accommodate his needs, angry at being ignored, passive/aggressive as a reaction that I simply gave up and waited for him to be willing to talk.
And I think that's what kills a marriage. When someone gives up. He gave up, too, but didn't tell me. And giving up is an individual decision. Then again, how can you say anything when you no longer have the energy to care?
So many spouses who leave are really taking action.. not necessarily good or healthy action, but they're doing something. And when something's really broken just getting any momentum is tough.
One aspect of DBing is stopping the divorce. One huge benefit is improving who you are, becoming the person you're meant to be. And along the way, we stop being broken. Become whole.. or wholer.
And.. everyone helps everyone here. It doesn't matter where.. whether Newcomers, Surviving the Big D, Separated, etc. Everyone needs support, to know that someone cares, listens. Goodness knows, I do.
So.. Happy New Year.. and to the beauty of the person you're becoming! You're all incredible.
