She agreed to counseling and she chickened out, probably because of fears about exposing herself to anyone much more than because someone might report her to a CO. Anyway, what are you going to do about it? If you are DONE, then act like it. It seems to me that you are not DONE. Thus, why not make your best effort to see if dating W works for you?
One session with a C will not get W to recognize that she is controlling, nor would ten. It would take a lot of work for a C to get to that point with W. So, one session with C is not the magic bullet you would like it to be.
Imagine someone asked you on a date, and you said: not until you work through your _______ problem. Probably, that R is not going to get off the ground. Generally, successful R's are built between people who like each other, treat each other well, demonstrate appreciation for each other, and so on. Take a break from focusing on the negative. Act like you want to date her. Geez.
You are starting a new R. Why is her controlling behavior a problem for you? She cannot control you unless you allow it. If she stops dating you because you don't let her control you, that's her problem. YOU are going to have to work through your capitulation issues and resentment in any R you have. You may as well try to work through them with W.
Your focus is still on fixing W. Put your focus back on YOU. How do you need to change? What boundaries do you need to set and enforce? What is acceptable to you? What will you do when anyone treats you in an unacceptable manner? You need a plan. Generally, these lines work pretty well in response to problem behavior: "Not attractive." "That doesn't work for me." "How do you feel right now?" "Whoooaaa, your behavior is troubling, are you OK?" "Ding ding, I'm outta here."
Women get Brazilian waxes when they are going to wear bathing suits or leotards or lingerie or when they want to feel sexy. I doubt W would tell you that she was getting a Brazilian for any other reason than to pique your interest.
If her being sexy and flirtatious and demonstrating sexual interest in you is a problem for you, then you should probably just file for D now.
If instead it is OK, then why not assume the BEST and respond in kind. "W, I bought you a present that will show off your Brazilian. I'd like you to wear it as we ring in the New Year together. I'll pick you up at 8:00." Then, get something very skimpy and a new sex toy to go with it. Wrap them up, pick her up. Celebrate, take charge, be dirty, talk dirty.
If she already has a date, what will you do? Unless you make it clear that you still want to try and want to be exclusive, you have no reason to complain. Of course, you are perfectly free to make those things clear.
It might be more productive for you to post in Separated at this point. Being positive, compassionate, direct, strong, and patient will help you, no matter how things turn out. Perhaps things in general are a bit too raw in newcomers for you at this point...
