C-Bart. I disagree on the few nice guys succeed. What about Coach? There's really few success stories in general. The ones I saw on that forum, all of those people focused on themselves and getting better and let the other person go.
I get frustrated with the boards because so many focus on busting the affair, busting the affair. What if there is no affair? And in any case, that again puts all your focus on W.
I agree I was a doormat from May through July and maybe into October. I don't think I've been a doormat since.
And W's choices are coming home to roost.
My job is to get to the point where I don't care about her choices except when it comes to the girls.
CTH, I would not put Coach in the "nice guy" category. And I'm referring to the definition of that term from the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy." It isn't what I think you believe it to be. It doesn't always mean a spineless do anything she says kind of guy. I would read that book for startes if I were you (I did.).
My plan does not necessarily start with filing for D, but that is an eventual consequence if W refuses to move out of limboland. I can't make her move, but I don't have to wait for her. And I won't.
I am not criticizing you. I hope you know that. But I have been right where you are right now and felt the same things you are feeling right now. And, yes, I was afraid. No one looks forward to making hard decisions. But you have to step up to the plate b/c like my W, your's isn't gonna do that.
First, I think taking back control of YOUR money needs to happen. Robx and Gnosis laid out the reasons why very well. Sounds to me like you are working your a$$ off (TWO jobs?!) to keep her in as great a lifestyle as possible. She has, for all intents and purposes, left you. Provide for the kids, and that doesn't necessarily mean giving that $ to your W.
Use your money to protect yourself. She isn't interested in that, is she? If there's nothing left of you financially and mentally after whatever happens happens, how can you be a good father to your kids? Think about that for a while. You aren't being selfish by protecting yourself and your ability to provide for your kids. That's just being smart.
And, C-Bart is correct, taking charge WILL likely mean taking action that will NOT be popular with your W, but that doesn't matter. She is either gone and isn't coming back (in which case what she thinks should be your LAST concern) or she will come out of the fog and back to working on the M (in which case the respect she will have for you for taking your action will be what she remembers after her anger is long gone).
It isn't fair that your W (mine and MANY others) dropped a bomb then make us LBS's do their dirty work of moving forward with whatever that means (D most likely). But, no one said life is fair. Deal with that, then get your nuts back and do the right thing for YOURSELF b/c by protecting yourself your are (1) protecting your kids and (2) giving yourself a chance (the only chance in our sitchs) to save your M.
