Originally Posted By: trustingfaith Patience is something I have never been good at but I am getting better all the time! (apparently that is one of the lessons I am supposed to be learning.:)).
Well.....how long is THAT gonna take ????
I don't know, but it is taking too dang long! LOL!
The kids and I just have plans to be at home, make some Indian food for dinner, play games, and hang out and enjoy each other's company. Not sure what H's plans are.
Wishing you a very blessed 2010, Mach. Thanks for all your support.
I think patience is another thing that I have to learn as well. For the 4 days around Christmas, H actually stayed home. He didn't want to do much, I tried to give him space although he did play some board games with me. Now this weekend 'poof' full MLC run away behavior. I'm spending the New Year with friends and I guess he has to try to find his own way. Started to get a bit hopeful with him being here 4 days with no major blowups - but now gone again. I should follow my own advice and remind myself that its a long road.
I hope your 2010 brings you all you wish for! I'm so ready to put 2009 to bed and hopefully never to have to relive some of that anxiety, pain and anger again.
Me - 38 Husband - 40 MLC! Together 12 years Married 11 years Still the love of my life Forever only lasted 10 years before his MLC and affair
Yup, I am also very familiar with the MLC running away! My H was so good at that, and fortunately it is getting a lot less noticeable. Anytime he spent any time with the family or did anything that might be perceived as "nice" he would "disappear" for a couple of days. He doesn't seem to do that so much now at all. He is still away from home more than is good for the kids but that is his problem and his loss.
Christmas Eve here we did our usual family traditions which focus on the religious aspect and then the kids were sitting on the couch cuddling with me and H was sitting in a different chair. My D looks over at him and said, "Daddy, you should be sitting over here, too." Truer words were never spoken! He didn't say anything and didn't come over, but the kids and I just playing and talking and laughing together. He kept getting up and leaving the room and then coming back in, sitting down, leaving again. It was almost like he wasn't sure how he belonged anymore.
I am glad you made plans for NYE and didn't wait on your H. I'm also glad he was home with you on Christmas. It is hard to remain patient when they seem so much more like themselves isn't it? I am seeing so much more of the man my H used to be these days that it is hard not to want to push. In my mind though I know there are no guarantees and I want him to work through his issues.
I am with you on putting 2009 to bed. It has truly been the worst year of my life and I am ready for a clean slate so to speak. I am planning on making my 2010 the best it can be and looking forward to it!
Well, normally when H runs away, I don't really hear from him except when he is on his way back from where ever. I'll get an email like "I'll be home at 5 - what's for dinner" as if him running away is just a routine thing. This time on New Years Eve, at 12:11 I get this email "Happy New Year, Miss Kitty. I love you". Miss Kitty was always his nickname for me. It was nice to get the ILY, but I also know you can't believe what they say or write. Is he with OW? No idea. Would he write to me from his phone with her standing there? I know we're not supposed to try to analyze things that they do but this seems like such a step in my direction I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much. If he loves me, why does he have to run away?
You are so right - he seems like he's more like he used to be, the real husband, not the space alien, and I can't understand why he just can't wake up. Kind of like what your D said "you should be here with us" - I wonder why they can't seem to see that. (sorry, just ranting)
Hope your weekend is going well.
Me - 38 Husband - 40 MLC! Together 12 years Married 11 years Still the love of my life Forever only lasted 10 years before his MLC and affair
Wow, it sounds like we are in a very similar phase of all of this. I haven't heard an ILY for months and months now though. That running they do, it is from themselves and their issues, trying so desparately to find happiness. It is so hard not to take it personally though.
It is frustrating that they just can't see it, especially when they seem so "close" to the way they were. My H seems so much like himself yet we still live very separate lives right now (absolutely his choice). So he is still out there.
Thanks for your comments about my kids.:) Lucky for them, they both have their daddy's eyes. It was suggested to me that I should "friend" you in the alt.:)
Trusting... I just logged back on, and here you are!
You have followed my story? Did you fall asleep? Not a lot of movement!!!
I read your thread tonight. We are in the same boat, kind of... Hey, I still have a warm body in my bed! What good that does is beyond me!!!???!!!
Anyways, I wanted you to know that I think you could benefit by what I'm working on in parallel. BOUNDARIES. I've only recently started calling H out on his "comments" or surly mood, when the time arises (not very often anymore, but I'm DONE w/that!). And, we had a parenting hiccup w/my D18 that I had to lay down a boundary about... he's playing along nicely... But, the next one will be harder.
You need some boundaries, too. Coming and going. Nice, communicative, pain in the rear, involved, distant, laughing, grumbling. It's not a way to live.
Come along, my friend, into 2010!!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Boundaries are a good thing and I am working on trying to form some. It has taken me awhile to get to this point but here I am . . . I am trying to sort out the best way to do this in the midst of the MLC. One thing I don't let him do anymore is project onto me. Fortunately that almost never happens these days. Actually, hasn't for awhile.
I started reading the book Boundaries. Didn't get very far, I just really don't have the time, but so far so good!
The thing is, so much has improved around here that life is easier than it has been for a very long time.
