feel like giving up - talk to me!

[rockedworld]

You get a SMACK from me too Luv!!

A "luv" smack, but still a smack!!

My H waffled back and forth like yours... giving me mixed messages... it was emotional torture. I came to the conclusion, as it sounds like you have, that he was pushing me to kick him out so it could be blamed on me.

So, instead I took a firm, loving, and calm stand. I continued to tell H over and over that I choose this M and it is not my choice to separate. I told him if he chose to leave, that was his choice to own to our kids and everyone else. But, I also told him I choose this M within certain boundaries (in my case absolute NC with OW and complete transparency) but also a firm commitment to our M and IC as well as MC. No more waffling. I didn't give a deadline, but had it gone on much longer I would have.

In the meantime, I am with G - you need to go out, doll yourself up and not let his choices emotionally control or manipulate you! I know that feels impossible when you are hurting so much! Believe me, I know. But, I also learned it helps so much when you push yourself out of that.

Please consider this Luv... you can do it! You are a strong, amazing woman who has the right to be out and enjoying life tonight. You are better than this sitch and you need to live that!

We are with you!

[luvless]

Rocked - sounds like my sitch for sure..as G says it's "emotional terrorism." LOL I love that! but seriously...I know what I need to do. I do. I am listening to you guys and deep down...to myself.

I know I can't give into my feelings. I know I can do this even though it feels like I can't. It's almost like I have no choice anyway.

I will stand up and not allow him to walk over me anymore. I know I am better than this sh*t - I do.

I think I'm gonna do something with the kids tonight - take them out - but I might get the itchy scratchies (no not that kind lol) to go out partying with a girlfriend so we'll see.

Would NOT know what to do without you guys!

Luv

[rockedworld]

Good for you!

One more thing... I am not suggesting you don't let yourself feel what you are feeling. When H wasn't around (as well as kids) I let myself have a good cry, I would rage, punch pillows, etc. Those emotions are real and valid and need to come out. But, I would not let the emotions control me. When around my H I did my best to be in control, calm, lovingly detached and setting boundaries. Was I always successful at this? Of course not. We are human. But, it is definitely the best approach.

And I know that my GALing got his attention! So, you go out tonight with the kids, with your girlfriend... whoever! Dress up, feel good, look good and have fun! You deserve it after everything you have been thru!

[luvless]

((((Rocked))))))

thank u for that

[motherof3]

I know I can't give into my feelings. I know I can do this even though it feels like I can't. It's almost like I have no choice anyway.

Luv - I know what you mean when you say you don't really have a choice anyway. Of course we all have choices to make, but in order to survive our sitches (one way or another) we need to take those small steps forward regardless of the emotions boiling inside. For me it is almost like a 'do or die' mentality. I am scared to death, but the only way to conquer these emotions is to move forward.

I know the pain you are feeling. Believe me, I really do. I wish I had that magic wand to make everything better. But the only thing I can offer you is this:

(((Luv)))

Better days are ahead. I am wishing you peace and strength going into the New Year.

[soleil]

Luv, if you can swing getting him to babysit tonight, go out with your girlfriend. Do your hair, put on some lipstick, and a slamming outfit. Be the hot woman that you are

Happy new year!

[Gnosis]

Folks, Luv knows what she needs to do. Her problem right now is she is sitting with information overload and a task list as long as her arm. I gave her a suggestion in the "alt" yesterday to start doing that list one item at a time.

With her love for the word, "emotional terrorism" let's practice some of our own here... tough love... is another way to think about it. So here's my suggestion to twist her arm for her own good:

Luv, I will not respond anymore until I see that list every day. I don't care if you got around to doing all of it or not.

I JUST WANNA SEE THE FREAKING LIST!!!

'nuff sed.

[luvless]

LIST for today

1. ready and dressed to see friend for lunch today

2. going to get my toes done

3. calling an attorney (yes that is for me)

[Gnosis]

SMILE.

Good.

[luvless]

I don't know how to relate to you guys what's happening to me when I don't understand it myself! NYE was ok until we watched ball drop - both falling asleep on couch. No happy new year or kiss - we went to bed - I was disgusted. I felt at least a kiss would have been respectful even if not real. I told him "you're disgusting" sorry but I was pissed. He cursed back at me, "F you (my name)" you didn't do a g'damn thing either. (it hasn't gotten this ugly in a while)

He got up the next morning being very nice. Making me coffee and serving me breakfast. I was like whatever. I decided to just go with it cuz I was in no mood to fight - I am emotionally beat down. A friend invited me over for bbq so we went. He was polite even though he had some beers in him.

We came home and he continued to drink (shaking my head) 5 beers weren't enough so he poured himself a bloody mary. I was trying to be nice by not nagging but he wasn't being ugly so I tried to talk him out of drinking some more. He wouldn't listen so I let it go. I figured I could just put him to bed. (yes I know what you are all thinking right now he so has a drinking problem)

We went into the room cuz the boys were in the livingroom. He initiates sex and I play it off as maybe later so I didn't seem like I was rejecting (LOL it was hard) but I did it G! I told him, "why would you want to have sex with me when you just told me you don't know if you want to be married anymore?
He gets upsets and says, "see I'm trying" and walks away mumbling something. He goes out back in to the LR with the boys for a minute and then he comes back.

Back in the room he starts to talk to me about last night (new years eve) He started to tear up and said, "I'm really sorry for talking to you like that" and he hugged me and held on to me for a minute. I'm not even feeling relieved but blank. I think he is going too far. While he's telling me this I'm searching for a "feeling"...what am I feeling? I'm not believing him..not caring..feeling blank.

I put him to bed after a while and that was our night. I wake up this morning to talk to him about his drinking. He is defensive and I fight back and finally get to him. I'm telling him what it is doing to the kids! I tell him to think about our feelings for once instead of his own. He says, "I got it..are you done?" cold huh?

So..he starts to make breakfast for everyone...changing his tone. He says, "I'm trying T"...I don't know what that means anymore! Oh!! and one more thing while he is making breakfast I tell him "I see your acts of service" and I know that's your way BUT it's not OUR way. I see what you do for us....but we don't want things or acts of service - we want a CARING husband and father. He nodded and said, "I understand."

One messed up man I'm living with right now.

Luv