I am proud of you. I really am. I think all of us are proud of you.
It is very, very important you don't stew on this all weekend. Dedicate xx number of hours to doing what you feel you need to do for the attny and spend the rest of the time on you or your girls.
Accept the fact that this will be stressful and quite frankly a bit frightening but in the end you will prevail.
I am liking what I am reading, Kevin.
Thanks CG, I intend to enjoy my evening tonight with my friends and not think on this. Tomorrow or this weekend I will be spending some time pulling plans and research together, but also enjoying my time with my girls.
I appreciate yours and the others advice yesterday and today and I hope you and everyone else have a very happy new year.
Kevin
Last edited by K4D; 12/31/0904:04 PM.
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Good idea to figure out what she can use against you (alcohol, etc) and make sure you have a plan in place for that. For the alcoholism issue i would have my behind in AA every single day, get a sponsor and make it known that you are not passive about this. If there is a hint of an alcohol problem in court a judge wants to see you being proactive about it and not in denial. Not saying you are Kevin, but if you are an admitted alcoholic that is not working a recovery program it doesn't look good.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Good idea to figure out what she can use against you (alcohol, etc) and make sure you have a plan in place for that. For the alcoholism issue i would have my behind in AA every single day, get a sponsor and make it known that you are not passive about this. If there is a hint of an alcohol problem in court a judge wants to see you being proactive about it and not in denial. Not saying you are Kevin, but if you are an admitted alcoholic that is not working a recovery program it doesn't look good.
SO2, that is a real strong point. Time to get my butt back in there.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Good idea to figure out what she can use against you (alcohol, etc) and make sure you have a plan in place for that. For the alcoholism issue i would have my behind in AA every single day, get a sponsor and make it known that you are not passive about this. If there is a hint of an alcohol problem in court a judge wants to see you being proactive about it and not in denial. Not saying you are Kevin, but if you are an admitted alcoholic that is not working a recovery program it doesn't look good.
SO2, that is a real strong point. Time to get my butt back in there.
Kevin
Well, you know I am on the opposite side of the coin with the alcohol issue. I know you are nothing like my exh (thankfully ) but I know what the courts want to see.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
So my question is... do I go ahead and inform her that if she exposes our kids to OM today that I will be filing for D as well as an immediate restraining order against him?
no. you have not learned in 1 year. you never say anything you just do. you now have reason enough to become the WAS. walk away without saying a word. it will leave her confused.
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Oh this is interesting. Christmas eve she was on the phone with him for 48 minutes until she got to my place at 2:45 am. Then right after leaving at 3:40 am she immediately gets on the phone with him again for another 47 minutes.
oh well. we were teling you in the past it was over. now you have proof. BIG F'ING DEAL. Kevin is all that matters, when will you begin to understand that?
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She has to really think I am an idiot.
she doesnt care kevin. She doesnt think of you as anything other than her ex-husband.
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This is going to get nasty from here on out. I might as well get ready for the ride.
DONT BE AN IDIOT. Never be nasty, mean or vindictive. Word gets around. You are already known as the most compassionate guy around. Now be known as the compassionate guy with strength, confidence and self-respect. They will be beating on your door for a piece of you.
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This is the email I an considering sending to W this morning.
NEVER PUT ANYTHING IN WRITING! you have sent enough I love you letters and I am done letters already. They mean nothing.
Make it interesting. you asked me a while back if i was serious. Yes I am Kevin. I wouldnt waste my time if I wasnt. Read Michele's essay on WAWs, they sat back for years planning their escape. Now, you need to make a plan. Get OUT and enjoy life. A cheating spouse is not worth depressing over.
Most of all, Make sure she has a good paying job before you divorce her. That is important for your short term future.
Do I need to tell you, or have you realized that you should be going to that birthday party tonight? Meet her girlfriends. Find out her real intentions!
Do I need to tell you, or have you realized that you should be going to that birthday party tonight?
LOL. I am not going to the birthday party tonight. I have other plans with friends I am looking forward to spending time with.
All your other advice is well noted.
I can't believe I am going forward with this, but dang it, enough is finally enough. I can't keep sitting around waiting for some glimmer of hope to change here. It is no longer worth it and now my kids are being drawn into this mess.
I didn't argue with her last night when she said he is just a friend. I just said ok, knowing she was full of sh*t. As far as my kids know, he is just a friend. They don't suspect anything more. She is sneaky. She is thinking introduce him as a friend to them, build the R and then low and behold how great would it be to have him as a stepdad? Ya mom, he is a great guy.
I know exactly how this one is being planned out. All of that is irrelevant though.
I'm checking into the website Fathers for equal rights in Dallas at the moment.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Don't speculate or you will drive yourself crazy and it will take your focus off what needs to be done.
The only facts you have right now are (A) he is visiting this weekend and staying the the marital home (B) your W has plans to go bowling with OM and the children and (C) the cell/text records. Anything further speculation is a waste of your mental energy and time. YOU MUST DETACH.
I don't care if you have to physically sew your lips shut. Do not say a WORD to your W about ANYTHING. Do not send her *any* texts or e-mails - tie your hands if you must. Consider any contact you have with her as ammunition to be used against you.
I know this is going to be hard to hear but there were not any glimmers of hope in a very, very long time. You wanted to see glimmers so you accepted any crumb. I am glad you decided not to allow your W to lead you around on a leash anymore. It's no way to live and solidify an amazing future for you and your girls. And you certainly don't want your girls to follow in your W's footsteps. Be the better example by being civil, respectful and strong. It is an absolute thing of beauty to see you finally getting on this path.
Don't speculate or you will drive yourself crazy and it will take your focus off what needs to be done.
True and I will not be speculating further. I don't care what she does at this point. I only care about how my kids are affected.
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The only facts you have right now are (A) he is visiting this weekend and staying the the marital home (B) your W has plans to go bowling with OM and the children and (C) the cell/text records. Anything further speculation is a waste of your mental energy and time. YOU MUST DETACH.
I'm detached at this point. Last night was the final nail in the coffin for me.
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I don't care if you have to physically sew your lips shut. Do not say a WORD to your W about ANYTHING. Do not send her *any* texts or e-mails - tie your hands if you must. Consider any contact you have with her as ammunition to be used against you.
I am going strictly no contact. And I agree. She has been keeping everything to use against me. She let that be known sometime ago. I won't further enable that.
I know this is going to be hard to hear but there were not any glimmers of hope in a very, very long time. You wanted to see glimmers so you accepted any crumb. I am glad you decided not to allow your W to lead you around on a leash anymore. It's no way to live and solidify an amazing future for you and your girls. And you certainly don't want your girls to follow in your W's footsteps. Be the better example by being civil, respectful and strong. It is an absolute thing of beauty to see you finally getting on this path.
I agree, I was grasping at crumbs for far to long and there was never anything there. I was holding out hope for something that was just not there. I will be the better example. This is all stuff I am needing to hear this morning to help me make the best decisions for how to proceed from this point on.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
) but I know what the courts want to see.