This is the email I an considering sending to W this morning.
"I call BS on OM being "just a friend". If you expose him to our girls today, I will file a restraining order against him blocking any contact from him to our girls. You really should have checked with the counselor first before trying to attempt to methodically work him into their lives at a point and time that is not good for them."
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
You are not an idiot but your W knows you let everything slide so she does as she pleases. I am SO SO SO proud of you that you are putting an end to this. It's time.
IMO you are under NO obligation to share your legal plans and unless an attny is telling you otherwise I would not tell her about filing until you have filed. As a mere courtesy you may want to let her know you have filed and she can expect to be served on <insert date here>. I would, under NO circumstance, let her know the grounds you filed under, the monetary compensation or settlement you seek or anything about custody. Let her learn all of it when she is served.
Again, unless legal counsel is telling you otherwise I would split the finances before you do anything. You can simply tell your W that you have decided to handle your own finances and the start of a new year is the perfect time to do that. Work off that big list you posted the other day.
I would say nothing else about the OM. You said what you needed to say to her y'day on the phone. Give her NO further info and let her think the "old Kevin" will just tolerate it and go with HER plan. Again, this is just my opinion.
Do not accept anymore of her crumbs. If she attempts to explain herself tell her you are not interested in hearing about it. Let her know you will not tolerate or be a party to enabling her crappy behavior any longer.
Do research and find an attny that specializes in the rights of men. Read every review and public record you can find. Meet an attny armed with questions, facts and figures.
I would tell her nothing. Not a thing. You are not making threats, you are taking action and if she chooses not to behave as a W then you are under no obligation to tell her your plans.
I would not send that e-mail. You said what you wanted to say to her y'day. She does not respect you so she will just blow it off. Too bad for her, she was given the opportunity to adjust her plans with the children and OM and she chose not to. So, just proceed as you need to.
Don't send. Time for Kevin to take back control. She is going to do what she wants anyway no matter what you say.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
I will not send it then and will not say anything further. I will start my planning at this point and let her hang herself in front of the judge.
I will also start the research you suggested CG on dad friendly attorneys and so forth.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I agree SO2, I was needing some advice this morning after thinking about what to do next and I got some good advice.
I appreciate it.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I know the laws of Texas and NY are much different but one thing my attny had me do was make a list of items my H could present to the courts against me if push came to shove. Obviously we can't mind read but my attny said even if it seemed like a small thing to really brainstorm and put pen to paper so we could be prepared.
In your case be sure to mention to your attny that you did drink often, you passed on a higher paying job and let your W earn the bucks, you went to Florida leaving your children to be cared for full time by your W and so on. I am not trying to rehash the past but divorce can get ugly and I highly doubt your W will back down and pull out all the cards she has against you.
This is not about your W hanging herself. This is about Kevin starting a new life where he has self respect and the opportunity to flourish as an individual and father.
Those are good points. I had started contemplating the chances of what she is going to throw out towards me as well so I can be prepared. I will be discussing all of this with the L.
Quote:
This is not about your W hanging herself. This is about Kevin starting a new life where he has self respect and the opportunity to flourish as an individual and father.
You are right.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I am proud of you. I really am. I think all of us are proud of you.
It is very, very important you don't stew on this all weekend. Dedicate xx number of hours to doing what you feel you need to do for the attny and spend the rest of the time on you or your girls.
Accept the fact that this will be stressful and quite frankly a bit frightening but in the end you will prevail.
