I posted this on another thread and got no answer....can any one give me any insight into what I just posted please....Jack and Snodderly if you could, you both are so very insightful on MLC....
Hi Jack,hope you and your family had a great christmas, but funny you should mention forgiveness,I did lots of things in my marriage that I have looked at now 3 yrs. into this and there was one thing I did that has burdened me in my heart and I wrote an email to my husband asking for his forgiveness on that subject.....he in turn responded to me and asked for MY forgiveness for how he handled things, and how he wished things would of turned out different. If you can remember my husband cheated with this woman once before, and he said many many I am sorry, but he never asked for my forgiveness but he did in this one email...ever since then we text back and forth occasionally, he has started texting granddaughter twins, sent us all christmas presents. nothing big just the thought.... since he has been gone, he only sent our daughter gifts for christmas, now all of grandkids got gifts...what could be going on with him?..... not reading nothing into this, but he sounds so different...more at peace.....sorry to hijack this thread... _________________________ Be Blessed In Jesus Name
I am standing for my marriage By kneeling down to pray
The word forgiveness opened the door for him to step through. Once he knew that you had forgiven him, he felt more comfortable in connecting w/the family.
If you recall, the Rip Van Winkle thread touched on how my xh started communicating w/me after I had notified him about my bil's tragic death. They cannot make the first move, they are frozen w/fear of what we will say or react to their request for forgiveness. Once you have shown them that you have forgiven them, then they can start to test the waters of being around family and old friends. It's very difficult for them to admit to what they've done and to be perfectly honest w/you, they just don't know what to do when they get to stage in the crisis.
Accept him as he is today, for tomorrow, he could be back in the hole. Do not read anything into what he's done. He was happy to know that you do not hold a grudge. Treat him just as if he were a friend...no expectations.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I will treat him as a friend.....even though we have been married for over 25yrs.I think we will always be friends or at least try to for the sake of our family.....our grand daughter asked him yesterday out of the blue and of course I got on to her for asking him this question but she asked him if he still loved me a little and he said he did, because I was the mother to his children..... I have noticed, and my daughter as well, she is the main one who speaks to him most of the time and she says that he sounds like her dad more and more.... I called him on christmas day and it went right to voice mail, but then the phone had a call coming in from him..He was right on it to call me back... Snodderly I know you beleive in a higher power and I think something is changing and moving in his life.....i will let the man upstairs take a hold of as I have to date.....thanks for responding....Happy New Year and may you be blessed by all you do in here.......
Slowly, slowly the ice around his heart and soul are melting. This will be the hardest part of the journey for you and the children, for you are beginning to see the man he once was. Continue as you have been and understand, you cannot rush the process...he's still baking up and isn't completely done yet.
When lbs' start to see the thawing, they tend to get impatient and push and prod. Please, please do not do that...it will create a scare in him and he'll run right back up into the tunnel and it will add more time to the baking up process.
As I stated previously, continue as you have been doing and look at him as a friend for now. God is working on him and we need to allow him to take care of it.
Happy New Year to you and your family. May the new year bring you happiness and contentment and yes, some wonderful surprises along the way.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
So.... someone please tell me how the O/W are bandaids.......I got nosey today and looked her up on the net.....she seems so much more educated.....has a B/A in graphic design...how do I compete with that with myself.....I wish I had not of done that..... I am better than her...I dont get with married men...I dont break up families....I dont just disgard my family like trash.....I am a better person than she will ever be.... I am so much more than she will ever be...... That's what I get for being bored at work......((( sigh)))
Well I really blew it today.....my husband got served child support papers TODAY and he called me so pissed, screaming, yelling, reminding, me when he recieved his money mom and dad's life ins money he bought me my car , that i spent all the money.blah blah blah....the papers he got served say he hasnt helped me since our separation....of course he called me at work and after that i had to leave...couldnt work anymore...he accused me of over spending....just everything he throw at me...but I kept calm, cool, and collected didnt raise my voice once...I asked him why he posted those pics pn F/B said cause he wanted too.. I told him he had hurt so many people in his family.then I let him have it by saying he needed to read his bible since he is a church goer now and read what it says about adultery then he really got mad.he hasnt called my daughter because he is mad at her because she is mad at him for not coming home....huh? that he is not going to call her cause she is being so childish another huh? people in here say there are teenagers that they go back into the past to relive it...what I heard today confirms that...he has a totally different memory of what has transpired in the last 3 yrs. he said 2 yrs...and then right after i left work 45 min since we had spoken I get an unknown cell caller on my cell never get those before must of been her,cause he must of cry babied to her of what happened....thanks for listening....hope to get some reponses...just shaking my head in disbelief of his demeanor on the phone ...who is he??????
He is lost right now. He is still living in his fantasy. Telling him to read the bible doesn't mean a hill of beans to him. Showing him what is in the bible doesn't mean a hill of beans to him if he already knows it is in there. And besides that, if they want, they will always try and find a way to twist and turn things around in the bible to fit what they want. I know. My W did it. It was ridiculous the stuff she was trying to twist around. I finally gave up on trying to show her anything in the bible. At this point probably for both you and me, our S's are in the Lord's hands to turn around. We just have to keep praying, being patient, and focusing on our own lives.
I'm sure the C/S did anger him. But he does have a daughter that he is responsible for. It might have been a good dose of reality for him. Kind of a wake up call. He will have to pay it so it will be interesting to see how it affects things now.
I'm sorry things turned into the arguement they did IRMAC. Pray about it and maybe some good will come of it.
I honestly feel your pain IRMAC.
Kevin
Last edited by K4D; 01/21/1009:25 PM.
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
First off I hope you are treating yourself well right now.
Second, it doesn't matter if he thinsk your are overspending...he has a court ordered set ammount to pay, and if he doesn't then take it to the judge. It isn't up to him to determine how much he pays or if he thinks it should be less.
Third, you do not control him. Telling him what to do showing that you are checking up on him...you have a perfect example today of why these things are a bad idea.
Who is he?
Not someone you want to be around right now.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I have never heard him so mad...man he really blew up on the phone.....J3b he has no court ordered anything this is all new to him since our separation I never asked the c/s division to help didnt want to amke him I guess mad and ruin our chances of getting back together...I finally took a stand for myself and filed with them to get some kind of help.cant get any kind of government help thay say I make over the amounts allowed....so he was calling to make sure I told them of every penny he ever gave me since the inheritance...like I was going to say that he never helped me at all. I told him I would tell them everytime he has sent me some money I have it all posted in a notebook...like Kevin said in an earlier post id did anger him...dang he was mad....
Hi Kevin glad to see you posted to me, just chatted with old pilot on f/b feel so much better.....I guess we have to just put it down on paper or in this case the pc to help us feel better....can you beleive he is behaving like our 15 yr old daughter she says ( I am not calling him because he doesnt call me)....and he says the same thing....cant member do you have a F/B???? my mind is mush after this afternoon came home early from work couldnt stop crying...:( i guess i will look in there
