I am so GD sick of dealing with the fallout from her A. She had an astrological reading for him yesterday and wanted to tell me what the astrologer said the significance of the A. She then told me that her and OM could still be friends. I went directly to her workplace. I calmly, but frimly told her that I did not need to reiterate my boundries. She knows where I stand. I added, "I understad you need to rationalize what happened for your self. I can respect that need. However, he is not a part of my life. It is not healing for me to listen to you justify this A. Therefore, as I said yesterday, I will not raise him as a topic of discussion anymore. It does me no good to discuss this with you." In response I got "You are controlling" "you are threatening me". My respose was, "I am not telling you what to do or how to do anything. I am not dictating what you can nd cant do. I am telling you this is not something I will have in my life. What you do is completely up to you." We later spoke. She wanted me to tell her how she was supposed to avoid contact as a practical matter. I told her this was her problem to solve. She then explained how she intended to avoid contact. So, again, I got anger and compliance. I am so sick of dealing with this OM.
I think she is just coming to terms with his absence. She is a bit like an alcoholic trying to justify the harmlesness of taking another drink. She wants to go to the AA meeting then drop by the tavern on her way home. Anyway, I am sick of dealing with this A crap.
I will put the house on the market. If we get a good offer, then we will make a decision. It could be a good financial/lifestyle move.
Her line is lets sell the house, live seperately and work on our marriage. I may call her bluff. "Ok Wife. You want to sell the house and work on our marriage. Then lets do both now. I will sign the listing agreement if you will agree to intensive MC and IC starting now. Here is the date and time of our first appointment." My IC actually suggested this as a way to get her some IC. The new MC would meet with us seperately. Of course, I would interview the C. We need someone who would tell both of us that we are FOS on critical issues. We have not had that. This is just something I am kicking around.
HOLY CRAP! Just recd the following txt: "What about going together to see the new therapist you are seeing." Bear in mind, I have taken no action with respect to suggesting MC. This was out of the blue. I gotta be cool.
An interesting move...it tells me, at a minimum, she has notices some changes in me and endorses them. (Many of the things he and I have discussed have been consistent with DB principles.)
Also, he is pro marriage and of the belief that she neeeds IC. I would not be shocked if he excused me from the session.
NYE. We went to ILs. My wife was cold and distant to me. She fell asleep on the sofa at 900. MIL and I watched black and white movies. MIL has picked up on Ws depression and is giving her support. We spent the night there. This morning W asked me if I would be attending a black tie event with her later this month. Very ambivalent tone. I told her I would. I couldn't say no with ILs there. Then I would have looked like I was rejecting their depressed daughter. I suggested she shop with MIL for a dress. I was trying to fill a love bucket need here. We came home. I got busy and stayed busy with projects, exercise and fun with kids. She was leaving for an event this afternoon. I made myself scarce. She sought me out to tell me she was leaving. I told her "oh, ok, have a good time.". I think she wanted me to be suspicious and upset. Screw that, I am writting poetry with a chainsaw on the roof lady. By the way have you seen my dynamite? We have MC on saturday. I have no idea where to begin. I need to formulate an approach. She asked for this so I don't want to be a hard A** but being firm and resolute seems to work. Thoughts?
That cracked me up too... Just be honest in the session... At least she is going. I hope it helps you both. Let the counselor lead the session. Thanks for helping me out today. I followed your advice. I have to trust my W before she trusts me. I suppose you have to do likewise. We can do it. Let's beat this.
Me:49 W: 41 Kids=D14/D14/S10 Married: 15 Together: 16 Bomb: 08/26/09 Currently: separated but in the different houses.
