Ring On or Ring Off????

[ddstartingover]

Two weeks ago H sent me a text, obviously mad because he couldn't get ahold of D16 to find out when she was coming (and bringing S11 and D12) to his house. I answered and told him I was sorry, that she was with friends and thought he knew. He answered back something about it being "his fault" that he had waited for D16 to answer him. I replied with something about he can always call the house or text me....he says "I did" meaning he texted me....I answer: You texted me before 5:59?----he answers: No, that's why it's my fault. Now, he never expects them before 6. To my knowledge they have only gone to him before 6 once, and that was because I took them to him. So on this day, he was pissed because???? But mostly pissed because he couldn't get D16 to answer his text and he concluded: "I'll just always come get them myself and let D do her own thing." I'm thinking---yes. She should be able to do her own thing. It is not her job to shuttle HIS kids back and forth. She does have a life.

I bring this up today, because I reminded H this week that S11's rescheduled birthday party was this Saturday (my weekend). He answered: can everyone come? We had to cancel the first one, because 3 of the 4 boys had plans. I answered yes, that we all (including him---but didn't point that out) talked about it at his BB game, and I thought he knew. He answered: "my fault I didn't know." I answered that I didn't think we needed to assign "fault" to anyone, it's just the way it is----this was the only day we could do the party, we talked about it and that was it.

I'm wondering if he's going through another round of beating himself up over what he's done. Another round of guilt............Yesterday I sent him a text to tell him my sister's ex was having emergency bypass surgery. I sent a text to D16, but didn't know she would relay the message. He answered: thanks, D16 let me know. I answered: Good, didn't know she told you. He later answered: It's ok. Didn't want you to think that you shouldn't let me know about it. Whatever. I don't know why I did, but I thought he would want to know. He later asked for an update. I sent 2. No reply on either.

S11 asked if H would be joining us for New Years Eve. We go out to dinner with friends and later board games at friends house. I said, I don't think so. NOW, I wonder.....should I extend the invitation. I don't really want to. I know he would just be uncomfortable if he went----and me too.....I just wonder if I should be making the effort to include him.................