A Choice

[patpat]

Role in her leaving - immediately. Everything she told me was true with regards to my behavior. I did not see it as most of it appeared normal to me, but true none the less.

I was not as bad as she made it out to be originally, but I was muliputive, controlling, and verbally belittling. It takes its toll on a person.

But I never thought it would be this...

As for working on me. I started long before the bomb being dropped.

14 months ago to be exact. W stopped complaining.... things seemed happy around the house. She (i since have learned was shutting down)seemed to be happy. I wanted to be happy also. I made some changes for the W. Those did not last. I started to make them for me and they began to take hold. I am a new person today, but she still left. She had the EA, then PA.... there was nothing I could have really done the last year.

But that does not mean it is over.

My changes happened only because I has professional help. There was a lot of hurt inside me from childhood. My bad behaviors were bad choices that I have made. I need to find my pain and heal it. Done that... then and only then was I able to make lasting positive behavioral changes that now would benefit my W and M. I will get those 2 things back in time.

My inner pain (and one day I will have to discuss it, but there are things I have not shared) just made me a bitter person. My abusive nature toward my W was a behavior choice. Not a good one. By that I mean, just because the doctor found out that I had some hidden personal issues as a child that somehow that makes up for the bad behavior.

Not at all. My childhood secrets just made me bitter. The rest was me just behaving badly.

I just know that once I could feel better about my past (childhood), it made it easier for me to like myself and thus those around me. It gave me the freedom top make better choices.

I am verty proud of who I have become these past several months. It will be a life long work / journey...

One will never change though until they see the problem, no matter where it comes from...

I can answer this better, and may try again with proper rest....

I'll get back to ya 4L