Hope and heartache

[ClingingToHope]

I still struggle with the emotional attachment. It depends. I've gone a couple of days of not hearing from her and was fine. Sometimes these boards actually hurt me because the guys on it focus sooooooooo much on busting the affair, busting the affair, it has to be an affair. Then I start to jump to the LBS worst conclusions -- she didn't call because she doesn't care ... she doesn't think about me at all. That stuff. I have to remember I don't know what she's thinking. Maybe her brain is working overtime too.

I digress. Today, I have the kids so I didn't know if she'd call. A couple of months ago I'd feel angry every conversation with her ... bitterness and anger that I couldn't suppress.

Lately, I've felt much more natural on the phone. I hope it's because I'm feeling better and focusing more on myself and less on her. Tonight, after I felt really good after we got off the phone. She talked to me a little bit about something other than the kids. That's the first in a while.

It's been a strange day. I've had three long conversations about my sitch and where I'm at. I can't wait to get through tomorrow and this weekend and get back to focusing on paying off some bills.