What can I do to save my marriage? Help

[Ready2Change]

Today I did I took the advice from those on this board

Good! I am glad. How did that feel?

I got off work fairly early and went to the optometrist and got contact lenses.

Sounds like a good way to take care of you. Changes your looks too! Now you have two choices on ways to see clearly.

I bought some Grecian formula to comb out the salt and pepper in the temple area of my hair

Nice.

and then to Banana Republic to get some new updated clothing

If shopping for clothes is a 180, I highly recommend doing it on a regular basis until you have a new updated wardrobe. I dress with MY OWN style and I mix it up (IE SURPRISE).

He seems to be just a “yes” man then I hand him the check.

It is OK to find a new one. "I have decided......"

Thanks to all of you who have piped in on my thread and given me the courage to do this.

Glad we could help.

I went home and showed up as the new me.

How did that feel?

My W was quiet at first then said,...I answered all of her questions with polite short and succinct responses

I think that was OK. Being more mysterious in similar situations in the future is worth considering. Insinuation is a powerful tool you can use.

“Why did you get contacts and why did you get new clothes?”

"A friend's recommendation "

“Where have you been all day?”

"Out and about"

“Why didn’t you check in and tell me where you were?”

WOW! Goldmine of info. "It didn't cross my mind"

I got the kids together and we had dinner at the table and just talked about everyones day.

Great! Keeps that up.

My son said "don't get a tattoo."

Great opportunity that may come up again to indirectly make a statement, Looking directly at W "Son, that would be a big decision that I would have to think long and hard about because I know once it is made, there is no going back. I would really want to make sure it was something I was willing to live with the rest of my life."

My W was silent.....I could tell she was getting so pissed.

Then what you are doing is working.

She refused to talk about her day.

Yes they do that. Mine would say "FINE". Just remember to enjoy this family time. FOCUS on the interaction with the kids. Listen and validate them. Empathize with them. "Love and Logic" by cline works great with my kids as well as my X-Wife.

After dinner she asked to have a word with me. I went over to the table and then she proceeded to raise her voice and tell me why I didn’t have the right to be running around town doing all these things for myself when I was needed at home. I said “ I didn’t know you felt that way. I thought you liked it when I wasn’t around” She spoke about the OM and the kids were right there. Her voice was still loud and high pitched. I told her that If I was going to continue with this conversation she would have to speak normally. I would not tolerate her yelling at me. I thought that it was disrespectful and that the kids were right there and could hear everything and I walked off.

YA! Way to go!

She said “ I’m not done with you yet” I said “If you want to talk to me anymore you will do it in a civil manner and we will continue in private.”

Did this lead to R talk?

Once the conversation started repeating itself I said “ I think we have said enough”.

Nice!

She still has doubts about the other woman that I contacted and I left her guessing.

Good. How did that feel?