WAS seeing reality?

[v1olin]

I am so tired of feeling like I care more than she does:( Did I always love her more than she loved me? Did she EVER really care? Did she force herself to stay with me just long enough to have our second baby who is now 2? Am I that terrible? NO! I am a caring and honorable person! Sometimes I want to tell her that I hate her and other times I want to grab her and squeeze until my heart explodes! I still feel like I am doing something wrong if I talk to other women and I know that feeling will not go away just because a piece of paper says we are divorced. I also dont want to sit there like a chump until she starts dating. Some would say that she already has but that has no chance of working out. I should probably just go find a girlfriend and have fun with my life!