A Choice

[patpat]

Hey....where's our PatPat tonight???

Patpat has not been doing so well these last few days....

The "drop the rope" thingy has been weighing on my mind heavy. I am not there yet. Not even close.

I have just been busy with work and the holidays just put that extra pressure on a normally hectic work schedule having to deal with customers, employees and office staff. Everyone feels the added pressures at work this time of year, and apparently I am the glue there. Making me start to hate my job. In some ways, I blame my job for some of my marital prob.'s.

I have been really unorganized this last week or 2. Crazy days, and even crazier feelings and emotions.

Back to the rope.... I am not ready. I feel like my sitch is still in its early stages and am not ready to cut W loose. I don't know right now if I ever will, thats just how I feel right now.

I have messed up DB'ing this week also. Slipped back a thousand years I believe. My W is a martian. I just realized it. I do not know who she is. I see her, I do not recognize her. She does not make sense, avoids all convo, and wants no pressures. She did tell me that the hold up in our R is the fact that she does not know if she can have the same feelings for me again. W says once she figures this out, she will be able to make a choice about our M.

Should I wait for this to happen?

I am a fliber de jibbit and am rambling on about what..... I do not have a clear thought about much right now. Been up about 30 hours, gotta go back to work in 4, I am a mess right now...

Can not focus on anything.

Low moments.... Sorry guys, just ain't right these last few days....

have at it!