that was a great picture and description sandi!!! Thx for that. It helps as I just "drop the rope" but have to keep reminding myself to not care what husband will think of certain moves that I am making in regards to my life now. I too will copy this for reference when my mind becomes my worst enemy :-)
Me: 28 H: 32 1st marriage 4 both 1 1/2 year married 2gether for 9 1S: 6months 1stepson: 2yo
Well, I appreciate that. It is just my version and is capable of flaws. P17 brought up a thought. He said it wasn't as cut & dried if an A was involved. But, I do not know anything that would be done differently. I didn't think about it....but he may have been thinking about the no contact, etc. (that he's doing in his stich). I believe the no contact, going dark, and dropping the rope would all be pretty close, but maybe that's JMO.
Hey....where's our PatPat tonight???
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi = loved the dropping the rope analogy. It's perfect. I wasn't sure what it meant either, but now I have a good sense and I'm going to work with it!
Patpat has not been doing so well these last few days....
The "drop the rope" thingy has been weighing on my mind heavy. I am not there yet. Not even close.
I have just been busy with work and the holidays just put that extra pressure on a normally hectic work schedule having to deal with customers, employees and office staff. Everyone feels the added pressures at work this time of year, and apparently I am the glue there. Making me start to hate my job. In some ways, I blame my job for some of my marital prob.'s.
I have been really unorganized this last week or 2. Crazy days, and even crazier feelings and emotions.
Back to the rope.... I am not ready. I feel like my sitch is still in its early stages and am not ready to cut W loose. I don't know right now if I ever will, thats just how I feel right now.
I have messed up DB'ing this week also. Slipped back a thousand years I believe. My W is a martian. I just realized it. I do not know who she is. I see her, I do not recognize her. She does not make sense, avoids all convo, and wants no pressures. She did tell me that the hold up in our R is the fact that she does not know if she can have the same feelings for me again. W says once she figures this out, she will be able to make a choice about our M.
Should I wait for this to happen?
I am a fliber de jibbit and am rambling on about what..... I do not have a clear thought about much right now. Been up about 30 hours, gotta go back to work in 4, I am a mess right now...
Can not focus on anything.
Low moments.... Sorry guys, just ain't right these last few days....
have at it!
Last edited by patpat; 12/31/0903:18 AM.
Me 43 / W 40 T 29 / M 15 S-18 11/4/09-ILYBINILWY 11/10/09-Separated 12/1/09-W admitted EA 12/5/09-W admitted PA 12/24/09 W say "I love you"
"A GOOD MARRIAGE IS NOT ONE WHERE PERFECTION REIGNS"
You should wait as long as you have the strength and patience. One of the DB rules is to give them time and space. I'm struggling with the same questions. How long do you wait if there's no indication of any kind of change?
I've seen several posters say one morning they just woke up and were at peace with their decisions -- either to keep waiting or to end it.
I'm no where near that either. I'll latch on to a thought for a while and then a "yeah but" will creep in.
It's too bad you are struggling. You sounded so good a week ago.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
Pat, I know I felt this way a few times. You have to be strong, get over it. She has already left you, so accept it and move on in your mind. I know way easier said than done. I got a prescription for Ambien to help me sleep, it works. Without it I would get no sleep, even though my lying adulterous wife can stay up all night and text her boyfriend she is doing just fine. (sorry for the rant, saw the final cell bill)
Thanks for the advice. I do not take any kind of meds whatsoever. Never have.
I normally do not have problems sleeping, I have been lucky that way. I have not had ggod rest these past few days, and it may be stress, but right now I think it is more that I just have not made myself go to bed.
Yeah, I am very careful what I put in my body. I do not even take aspirin.
Rant all you want. That is why all of us are here, for each other....
Me 43 / W 40 T 29 / M 15 S-18 11/4/09-ILYBINILWY 11/10/09-Separated 12/1/09-W admitted EA 12/5/09-W admitted PA 12/24/09 W say "I love you"
"A GOOD MARRIAGE IS NOT ONE WHERE PERFECTION REIGNS"
