I'm sorry to hear about the dog and the credit card. For several years I didn't want to get another pet either because didn't want to go through loss again. I now own a very kind and loving whippet. I think it's a metaphor for other things in my life too. I live on my own schedule and terms and will do things if and when I feel the need.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
I filled out the paperwork, faxed it in and hopefully it will all be taken care of. Goodness.. that was something I didn't expect.
What a difference a year makes. It's like a defensive sheath is dissolving, making it easier to breathe, relax, relish what is good in life. Fear, the ever lurking enemy, nips rather than attacks and shreds. A sense of ease lingers. There's so much I enjoy in life. A calm. A peace.
I know it's the calm before the storm, but whatever happens I can weather it. It's like a palm shaded, sea breezy warm moment wrapped in a cocoon of a hammock, swaying in time with nature's rhyme. Just neat.
Gypsy, I'm really sorry for the hi-jack, but I don't have a sponsor yet and I'm really feeling the Fear this morning. Do I just let the tears come, in giant splashy puddles, or do I look the Fear in the eye and have a stare-down? Uh oh...looks like the tears are going to win. Peace.
The welling of grief needs to be expressed. It's not the tears we cry that hurt us, but the ones we struggle not to cry, because they drip within our sad and weary hearts. Crying may be the strongest act of self-healing and self-nurturing.
Tears of grief nourish the seeds of growth.
Healthy crying is the natural method of self-renewal. (Have you noticed that kids always feel better after they cry). Crying functions as a natural stabilizer in periods of stress.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Oh Antlers, it's folks like you that have been in that storm and know just the right thing to say to GoldyLox. Never think you are not being used in a good way here on DB board.
All I know to do is pray and give a hug, (((GoldyLox))).
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
A tumble of thoughts occurred yesterday while out and about.
For everything disparaging I've written about the former spouse, there's usually something I would never divulge about my actions, big and small. This is a learning board not a self flagellation whipping post.
The more accountability, acceptance I take with my actions now and in the past, the sooner things get better. Guilt erodes any and all relationships. Neither the former spouse or I truly forgave each other for our different transgressions on varying levels. And that's one thing that breaks a relationship. There's a difference between compromising and being compromised. I was so twisted trying to accommodate his needs, angry at being ignored, passive/aggressive as a reaction that I simply gave up and waited for him to be willing to talk.
And I think that's what kills a marriage. When someone gives up. He gave up, too, but didn't tell me. And giving up is an individual decision. Then again, how can you say anything when you no longer have the energy to care?
So many spouses who leave are really taking action.. not necessarily good or healthy action, but they're doing something. And when something's really broken just getting any momentum is tough.
One aspect of DBing is stopping the divorce. One huge benefit is improving who you are, becoming the person you're meant to be. And along the way, we stop being broken. Become whole.. or wholer.
And.. everyone helps everyone here. It doesn't matter where.. whether Newcomers, Surviving the Big D, Separated, etc. Everyone needs support, to know that someone cares, listens. Goodness knows, I do.
So.. Happy New Year.. and to the beauty of the person you're becoming! You're all incredible.
While in my twenties my siblings and I would often spend it with my parents. We'd make strawberry banana daiquiris, dance, hoot and holler, giggle hysterically shouting out, "It's all fun and games 'til some one gets hurt." And when someone did something really stupid, we started all over doing silly things, shouting our favorite tag line (usually while doing something that could go awry) until we were appropriate burbled and celebrating the ball going down.
This morning I wondered why I always felt like I should be at home during those celebrations. It was great fun being with my siblings.. but at the same time I never ever wanted to disappoint my mother. It made her sad if we weren't there.. so we'd be there, most years.
This year my original plan was to see a movie and go volunteer at the hospital, doing the Reiki combining fun and giving.
Instead I stayed home, was alone but not lonely, with my ailing pooch and a good book. I've done the go out and party with friends while single. I've done go out and party all dressed up with all the bells and whistles.
What I found I loved most was celebrating at home with family, friends and children. All together, making some type of meal, enjoying the closeness, playing games. A celebration of family not booze.
This year the kids (sons 24 and 19) were with friends, spending the night presumably drinking like parched fish. My daughter (15) was at her cousin's probably being offered champagne but going for sparkling cider.
Three minutes before midnight, I sent them a Happy New Year's text signing it from me and our dog. Five minutes into the new year my nineteen year old called me to wish me a Happy New Year. What a gift that was. He asked what I'd been doing. "Oh, pooch and I have been howling at the moon, playing 'pound it' (what our dog does instead of shaking paws) and seeing whose tail can wag the most." He politely laughed and let me know he was thinking of me.
And that was a wonderful New Year's Eve. And this morning, I was happy that my kids didn't need to feel like they needed to protect me. Pretty neat.
I'll learn to let up on my 'eek, don't anyone drink to excess since there's so much alcoholism in our genes and I don't want to set a bad example for the minor child', allow the opportunity for social drinking. I just hate folks drinking and driving and never want to provide the near occasion for that to happen.
Controlling co-dependent behavior which drives my kids away.
But drinking and driving pushes the button for me. Maybe have a great time but sleep over party... cuz I am a great hostess.
Something to work through in 2010.. this new decade. Have fun, be safe and responsible.