The former spouse and I promised the kids we wouldn't speak negatively of each other. Within an hour of uttering the oath, the former spouse was telling our daughter that the divorce was Mommy's fault, that she didn't clean the house, etc, etc,. I even heard him saying it out loud from another room. Once he was done talking to her I privately asked him about what he'd said. His reply, "Oh, I would never say anything negative about you."
We all have our own reality. Me.. I saw him as a huge liar, throwing crap over the dam while I tried keeping it plugged with my thumb. At the same time, I didn't feel it was appropriate to call him on it. His actions consistently spoke louder than his words.
Everyone told me, "The kids will know the truth, the kids will figure it out." And it's true. It's better to listen to your kids than tell them what to think. Actions.. whether they're loving, hateful, apathetic.. speak louder than words.
Children learn what their parents live. When in doubt, opt for the role model.. being the person you're meant to be.
