NC - W vanished ...

[P17]

Well, I have just confirmed W is no longer living with us here on planet Earth. Maybe I'm overreacting but if I know my W at all (or at least the old one) this is a biggie - although it may not seem it to you guys. Excuse the length of this post but I have been saying 'W what have you done' for the last 10 minutes and I need to know if I'm losing the plot of she has.

I was just in the attic for the winter quilt for the bed (it's pretty cold here!). Found it. Noticed an old box that I'd never seen before (since W cleared out her stuff a lot of boxes that were at the back are now at the front). It said picture frames and pictures on it. It was still sealed. Thought I'd take a look.

Well in there is a pile of pictures that W brought from her old house (she sold her house to move here). Nothing unusual in that. But my W loves her pictures. She doesn't just choose things cause they look pretty. She picks pictures of her favourite artists that depict love, attraction etc. etc. So these pictures are pretty special. Okay, maybe she missed the box but it was sitting there on it's own so it's not something she could have missed.

So maybe she just didn't look in it. Okay.

I then noticed another box. A box that is different from every single other box in the attic (and there are not many left). It's also a different colour. Stands out like a sore thumb.

Had a look inside. It is FULL of old pictures. Pictures of when she was a child. Pictures of her parents, grandparents, pack after pack after pack of photos. None of the pictures are of me or D as these are OLD pictures. My W is very attached to old pictures of her and her family. I have no idea in the world why she left this box. None at all. And she DID leave it, she didn't skip over it. It was left deliberately. There is no way she could have missed this box unless she had suddenly gone blind. WHY? Why on EARTH would she leave these photos? That makes no sense to me.

But there is more.

I open another box and another and another all around the one where the photos are. It's boxes and boxes and boxes of books. Not sure modern books that you could easily leave or chuck to the charity shop but old OLD books - books from the 40's and 50's - Gone With The Wind in hard back (in the old green cloth hardbacks before they put the covers on), self help books, lots of books about love and sex. Old OLD books.

Bascially, this is effing weird. Just strange. My W loves books (Gone With The Wind being her favourite). She loves old photos of her family. She loves painting / pictures. All of which she left. My question for somebody up there who may be listening - what EXACTLY did she take from the attic if she left the stuff that I thought was most important to her in the world?!?!?!!? At least, most important to the OLD her.

She went through the attic around 4 and a half months ago. In ALL that time she has never ONCE asked for any of that stuff. Since NC she has never once asked for ANYTHING out of the house.

I am reading nothing into this like she is coming back yada yada. What I am reading into it is that for somebody to leave the most important things in their lives behind and never once ask for them confirms with me two things 1) she has TOTALLY changed (and I mean TOTALLY) 2) she has left this planet for another.

I can MAYBE understand the pictures / paintings (maybe she is thinking I will start again with new ones). The books I can't really understand, especially the old ones as they have no memories of me or D (these books have been in packing boxes for 3 and a half years). But the photos? The photos I don't get. I REALLY don't get. She has erased the last 7 years with me and D but you cannot erase your life before now. You just can't do it. How can somebody function without any record of who they were?!?

Am I going mad and rambling about nothing or is this strange?

On the good news I found the copy of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus that I was pestering her for (prior to NC) so it's not all bad!