Not sure if this qualifies as piecing or not...

[Deep]

Went to retro many months before I even heard of DB or MWD .

On hindsight, perhaps we went too early, when emotions were so raw, although that had benefits too. I'll say this - it really helped save my M, and I mean save it in truly re-connecting with the W again. I've posted on it in my thread but a brief summary is:

- Sitch aside, W is not Catholic and pretty much a strident agnostic.
- At that point, W wanted to try for the kids, but was convinced OM was her true love that she may have to give up to "do her duty". She was not in love with me, although she cared for me, and felt no connection with me, be it in kissing, talking, whatever. In other words, the fog was still strong.
- W wanted to leave on the way there, wanted to leave 5 minutes into it, wanted assurance we could leave any time.
- W "felt the connection" again when we kissed end of 2nd day at weekend.
- W felt we talked more and deeper than we did for the last few years in the 3 days there.
- W thanked me for making her try the weekend on the way home, thanked me for giving us another chance when we got home. Broke down when we unpacked, just hugged me and kept saying "sorry, I'm so sorry". It was the first time I really believed she was.
- W did not buy into ALL of retro, still finds parts of it not for her, but that the overall experience saved "us". She's still agnostic. But we go back to help every weekend now, simple things like registration and being porters / helpers. Shocked me when she started talking to couples there and what a WAS gpes through - she HATED the idea of talking about the A and what she did, this is a big thing for her.
- Our Core (continuing the retro experience) group that meets up now has Christians, Hindus, free thinkers. Religion does not enter into it, we support each other in the re-building of our Ms.

Hope this helps and glad to see you here Trent!

[TrentC]

The next Retrouvaille retreat in my area is Valentine's Day. I'm getting the information for it.

So today is my birthday, and I was a little bummed earlier because the one thing that I want today, more than anything, is the one thing that I can't have right now.

In time...

[rockedworld]

Oh (((((Trent))))))
Happy Birthday!
Hold on to that wish and celebrate it when it can be yours!
I made that decision about my wedding anniversary in August. It was such a horrible day, but I was still believing for our marriage to be restored and I decided I would put aside what I wanted for that day and celebrate it when I could.
With the progress you are making, and the approaches you are taking, I would bet you will be able to celebrate that!
In the meantime, take care of YOU today! Remember, you are a strong, amazing man of character who any woman would be blessed to be married to! Honour yourself today, bless yourself! You deserve it!

[TrentC]

Remember, you are a strong, amazing man of character who any woman would be blessed to be married to! Honour yourself today, bless yourself! You deserve it!

I pray for the day that my wife remembers that.

[rockedworld]

If you continue to live as that man, it becomes evident ... she will see it! And, if she doesn't, that is outside your control. You are still that man whether she chooses to see it or not. You have blessed so many here, and that alone is a testament to your character. Be blessed on this special day, my friend!

[Lost Rabbit]

Trent I just pray that one day your wife will see what we see here, someone who is generous with his time, care and attention, and certainly worth pursuing!

[TrentC]

I posted this in the "Tools for Piecing" thread, but I wanted to add them here so I can always find them.

MWD posted a list of New Year's Resolutions for 2010 to work towards a better relationship; these are in the order they were posted.

#10: Start by setting relationship goals for 2010. Forget richer, thinner or healthier and ask yourselves, "what specifically would we have to do differently for us to feel closer and more connected this year?"

#9: Vow to spend more time together. Plan regular date nights that are sacred time alone.

#8: Make sex and passion a priority even if it has been on the back burner during 2009.

#7: Hold hands and touch affectionately every day.

#6: Take a marriage seminar together to improve your relationship IQ.

#5: Every day do something for your spouse that isn't your favorite thing to do. Stretch outside your comfort zone.

#4: Try harder to understand than to be understood.

#3: Don't let arguments get destructive. Take a time out when things get too heated.

#2: Develop a NEW common interest or hobby.

#1: Start the year with a clean slate - forgive. Remember, forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.

[rockedworld]

Thanks for posting Trent! These are great!

[smith18]

Hey Trent,

Those are great points by MWD to help in keeping the love alive. Now I just need to have a partner to practice those with.

Did you get stuck in the horrendous snow traffic yesterday?

My latest New Years resolution is to immediately depart work whenenver I see snowflakes coming down right before rush hour.

[TrentC]

Yes, I did! I didn't get home until 9 o'clock, and I left work an hour early. It sucked.

Here is a blog post from MWD explaining the resolutions:

http://divorcebusting.wordpress.com/2009/12/30/10-marriage-new-years-resolutions-for-2010/