Can you pinpoint why you are feeling the way you do right now? It's usually some fear that is based on an unreasonable belief.
Yes, I think it came down to the fact that yesterday I felt so completely alone. That and the fact that H took the kids for the week to celebrate Christmas with his family (and what used to be mine). They celebrated without me. Before they left S6 asked me why I wasn't going with them. I so badly wanted to explain that I wasn't going because daddy didn't want me to.
I am feeling a little better today, but not much.
Me & H: 33 yrs S: 4 & 6 D: 2 M: 9 yrs ILYBNILWY: 8/09 SEPARATED: 9/09 The Beginning
Mo3! I can totally relate to the sadness of spending the week w/out the kids. I'm so sorry!
So, have you made any plans to do things you couldn't do w/them around? Nails? Dinner/Drinks w/girlfriends? Movies? Drinking cappuccino @ the bookstore...?
HUGS
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Can you pinpoint why you are feeling the way you do right now? It's usually some fear that is based on an unreasonable belief.
Yes, I think it came down to the fact that yesterday I felt so completely alone. That and the fact that H took the kids for the week to celebrate Christmas with his family (and what used to be mine). They celebrated without me. Before they left S6 asked me why I wasn't going with them. I so badly wanted to explain that I wasn't going because daddy didn't want me to.
I am feeling a little better today, but not much.
The feelings related to being away from them on Christmas is understandable....and temporary.
The feelings related to being alone, you can overcome this. First, do you really think you will be (a) alone or (b) lonely for the rest of your life? Of course not. So, we can agree that your fear of being alone is unreasonable?
So, change your thought from an unreasonable belief to a reasonable one - I might be by myself for a little while, but I will not (a) be lonely or (b) be alone the rest of my life. Once you change your thought to a reasonable belief, your emotions will fall in line.
So, have you made any plans to do things you couldn't do w/them around? Nails? Dinner/Drinks w/girlfriends? Movies? Drinking cappuccino @ the bookstore...?
MF - No real plans as of yet. For NYE I have been invited over to a friends house, but I would be the only person without a significant other present. I am not sure if I am ready for that yet. As far as movies, dinner/drinks, etc. I have to laugh because this is the exact same advice I gave someone else awhile ago. Guess I just need to start following my own advice.
Originally Posted By: givingitmyall
The feelings related to being alone, you can overcome this. First, do you really think you will be (a) alone or (b) lonely for the rest of your life? Of course not. So, we can agree that your fear of being alone is unreasonable?
Unreasonable - Yes. But at this particular momment it is a real fear. It is a stupid fear really as I know I can handle things on my own. I don't consider myself as needy or too dependent.
Quote:
So, change your thought from an unreasonable belief to a reasonable one - I might be by myself for a little while, but I will not (a) be lonely or (b) be alone the rest of my life. Once you change your thought to a reasonable belief, your emotions will fall in line.
Most days I succeed at this. Yesterday I did not and today I am trying.
Thanks GIMA.
Me & H: 33 yrs S: 4 & 6 D: 2 M: 9 yrs ILYBNILWY: 8/09 SEPARATED: 9/09 The Beginning
MF - No real plans as of yet. For NYE I have been invited over to a friends house, but I would be the only person without a significant other present. I am not sure if I am ready for that yet.
All the more reason to go. Face your reality. Do what makes you uncomfortable and get out of your comfort zone!
Unreasonable - Yes. But at this particular momment it is a realperceived and assumed fear.
Originally Posted By: motherof3
Most days I succeed at this. Yesterday I did not and today I am trying.
This is all of our reality and daily experience. Everyone on this board, in one fashion or another.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
You CAN do this, and you WILL. Like Gardener says, use your current issues as the catalyst to push you to step outside your normal, safe existence, and try new things, do new things. Experience life.
I know in my case, I had shut off so many things around me because they were different or I was "too old" to do those things or I couldn't b/c M'd people didn't do those things. Well, I have reacquainted myself through this awful process with what it means to be alive. And I don't ever plan on leaving that again.
