Not Me...Ever part 2

[Serenity13]

Before I start - Did any of you look at the moon last night? It was directly over my house, the moon looked like the iris of an eye and there was a huge circle around it - Just like an eye looking down on us.

(Before I wrote that last night, I texted my sister and asked her if it was the same moon everyone else sees. Blonde moment for sure.)

I have had a few hours to process the events that happened last night...

While I still don't understand the change in him, I am not going to waste time trying to pick it apart either. It confuses me and if I allow it, it gives me false hope.

He got out of the car looking like he wanted to fight. (probably mad cause I had called him a quitter about an hour prior to him being there) Whatever happened between the car and the house I don't know, all I know is he kept staring at me and would look away when I caught him doing it...

The first thing he looked at when we were in the light was my left hand - He always checks to see if I am still wearing my wedding ring - Which I am because I am married - Then his face softened and I stood a little taller, then you know the rest.

I hope he left thinking WTH am I doing with the FT when I have this amazing woman standing in front of me who loves me unconditionally...

I hope he went home and compared us - We are as different as night and day...

She is short (no more then 5') I am tall (5'10) she is fat, I am not, she is dark haired and dark eyed, I am blond and blue eyed...

I am kind, caring, loyal, compassionate, sympathetic, loving, faithful, beautiful (yes my self-esteem is returning haha), usually have some grace thrown in there as well - She doesn't have any of these qualities - She is a predator, lower then pond scum, a human being with no morals, no ethics, no self-respect - I am a treasure, she is not - I am a rare jewel in my Father's crown and she is a lost soul...

Last night I learned that the way he behaved was a test for me and I passed...

The test you ask? It was a way to show me just exactly how far I have come.

1 month ago I would have read it to being a step into him maybe coming home and what I still needed to do in order for him to come home (you know cause the affair was my fault)...

Last night I read it as a billion baby steps I have taken over the last few months and just how far those steps have brought me.

You know how far????

I didn't fall for it last night...

Him dropping the crumbs didn't rope me back in...

I didn't run back in the house like a giddy schoolgirl all happy cause he threw me a bone...

I turned away from him, held my head high and my back straight as steel and I walked away with a smile on my face.