Going straight forward...antlers 6th thread.

[iwantittowork]

This divorce is gonna be nasty and very costly.

As is mine, so you know I know where you are coming from. However, you MUST keep this from the kids, at all costs. I know you are, and that is the only thing you can control. Civility in the face of you STBXW, acknowledging your kids feelings, etc.

I just don't say anything derogatory about her to them.

This is good, and you know it, no matter what happens, you will be the better person for it, and while you can't predict how others will respond, you will know you did the best you could.

She continues to say derogatory things about me to them. Sometimes I don't know how to respond

I don't know the proper response either, but I have already called my STBXW on this type of behavior and will do so again if I have to.

I'd suggest a conversation when kids are not around, where you can acknowledge that you STBXW may be hurting from things in the past, or MR, but that involving children in this, in even sideways comments such as you 'spending all the money' is hurtful to them, and impacts them.

I believe you can state this without being aggressive, or putting her on defense.

That's MHO, and since we are both in StBD, who knows if it's correct or not, but I think your doing the best you can!