Hope the holidays were good for everyone. Our xmas was the best it's been in years. Interesting things going on with H. Some updates and firsts, again, after 3.5 years:
- I hosted a dinner on xmas eve for old friends (3 other couples w/ kids) and invited H. He came and had a good time, although he was the first to leave. Complimented me in front of everyone on how good the dinner was and hugged me when leaving (hugging has become the norm). - Xmas day dinner was at MIL's where H cooked and asked for my help. H invited old friends (that he's become closer to since he was with ow, but didn't know because of her) and new. As tables were split, H invited me to sit at table he was at with new friends. I didn't, as I felt it would be rude to leave our other guests. Hosting seemed very much like a joint effort. H was attentive and seemed to make effort to merge friends, including me. - H has started calling me by my name again (as opposed to my other name, "Hey"). - Got me a nice present (although it was a day late). - Invited us for dinner the day after xmas to a restaurant he often goes to, but that I had never been to.
Several other small things have happened with H being more open, less secretive, and more willing to portray himself as a family man. It's been so so nice to see the changes in H. It feels like a natural progression towards a new R (just a friendship) and things are moving at a good pace - not too quickly. Things are really comfortable between us. There's no pressure. I have no expectations of him. If anything, I expect him to retreat after so much good contact - which of course, is exactly what he did.
So after things have been going so well, H called to ask how much my legal fees will be - as if to say to me "even though things are going well, don't get your hopes up". I played along and offered whatever info I could, totally accepting what he was saying and even offering again to be the one to file. H now says he's going to look for another L (and he's only spoken to the other one once over the phone for a quotation). Also asked me if S4 was easy to travel with, as he'd like to take them on a trip with him next year. I said he should be fine to travel with. When we drove him to the airport a few hours later, I mentioned to the boys in front of H that they could go with him next year - and then mentioned to H that we should determine how holidays will be split in papers. H's response was that we could all go on the trip together! Talk about mixed signals...
I don't know what this is that's going on - but it feels good and it feels right for now. I have a slight fear that I'm being used during the holiday season, to avoid being lonely, so I am very cautious not to have any expectations. Slightly disappointed that I'm unable to allow myself to feel any joy and anticipation for what would otherwise be very exciting times.
BTW - In my last thread/post, I was so down about how many girls were on H's friend list. Now, if you were to visit his page, you'd find pictures of me and kids, posted by H's friend and tagged as H by his friend who I just met, but who is a mutual friend of OW on fb. Must admit - I love it. And THAT, I can enjoy.
