If anything you have an ideal platform to renew the relationship. Guilt slowly kills anything it touches, eroding away the strongest foundations. You being upfront, facing your issues and dealing with them while staying open to your relationship is beyond fantastic.
Dealing with your emotional baggage, the drinking and the causes behind it, learning appropriate boundaries and self care are all good.
How long have you been in counseling and going to AA meetings? Do you plan to continue.
Healthy relationships occur between two healthy people. If every situations ends in your paying penance for mistakes in the past.. that works against both of you. Either he's forgiven you, you've forgiven yourself or you both choose to work on it.
A union between partners with dysfunctional backgrounds can either be the best, because they help each other become the best they can be or the worst when coping behaviors from the past kick in.
Both of you withdrew in different ways in your marriage. Something's broken but it can be fixed. You're doing the right stuff. You know him better than anyone. Be the caring, loving partner who's found her individuality, who's doing what works to keep you the healthiest person going.
He's doing what he needs to do. You're accepting accountability for your actions. You both need to heal on every level to go forward in whichever direction it takes.
Have faith. And if the past never goes away, how can you have a future? He needs to work on himself, too. All part of a renewed relationship, beginning.
