Sigh.... Like trying said above, we want so much to trust.
Realistically, I expect her to try and cover her ass about past issues. And I'm O.K. with letting her save face, as long as the unacceptable behavior stops.
She did deactivate the personals ad. Which is either doing the right thing, or taking the wrong thing under deeper cover.
Me:45 W:42 T:11 M:9 S:4 ILYBINILWY:12/6/09 W agrees to MC: 2/12/10 my thread
Background: my WAW wants to stay together as a family for the sake of our son (4), but she doesn't believe that emotional connection with me is possible and won't commit to MC.
My understanding of DB process says that I should be practicing detachment now, along with GALing. That I should be giving my WAW space to breathe & think.
But one of my key failings as a husband has been that I don't show her enough love, appreciation, make her feel special, show that she is important to me. Beginning to do that seems like a really important 180, which if she could see and accept it, might help her begin to envision a positive future with me.
But, she won't have sex with me, rejects any physical touch beyond a good-night kiss, and asked me to please NOT give her flowers or anything romantic like that. We do have pleasant conversations about household issues and other day-to-day matters.
So, the $64K question: is there some way I can demonstrate that I am capable of better emotional connection, without making her feel pressured about the relationship?
I would welcome a woman's perspective on this!
Me:45 W:42 T:11 M:9 S:4 ILYBINILWY:12/6/09 W agrees to MC: 2/12/10 my thread
The silver lining in your sitch is that she wants to "stay together as a family." I think that gives you n advantage.
Originally Posted By: narwhal
My understanding of DB process says that I should be practicing detachment now, along with GALing. That I should be giving my WAW space to breathe & think.
Yes, yes, and yes.
Originally Posted By: narwhal
the $64K question: is there some way I can emonstrate that I am capable of better emotional connection, without making her feel pressured about the relationship?
I would welcome a woman's perspective on this!
Yes, there is. You are going to convey this by being a happy person and getting on with your life while she is out there in her fog. You have already set the boundary that you will not share her with another, right? id you tell her you're willing to do anything to work on the marriage? If you haven't, let her know and don't bring it up again. Now it's time to let her marinate on that and do your own thing. GAL yourself to death. Smile, be happy, treat yourself to an ice cream, exercise. (Ha, I am finally getting a hang of this DB thing)!
So, the $64K question: is there some way I can demonstrate that I am capable of better emotional connection, without making her feel pressured about the relationship?
I would welcome a woman's perspective on this!
This was *my* failing as a wife. After H dropped the bomb, I came on heavy with those things (after all, I'd listened to him and was trying to fix it), but the pursuit just repulsed him. So I readjusted and tried to figure out how to show him respect and connection in a different way.
Ultimately, I worked on GAL and doing 180s that didn't directly involve him, I *also* took advantage of any time H initiated contact or conversation with me. When he was talking to me, I was fully present: eye contact, restating things he said, asking questions, asking how I could help, etc. When H initiated, I responded, but always on his terms, and never in a clingy, pursuing manner.
Hope that helps!
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
Flowers and Affection are what she wanted but too late! So its a bit like rubbing her face in it all the time. Listen to what she asks you to do, daft things like remember the bins need putting out on bin day without being reminded, things that you do and dont expect a thank you for, well not at first as she wont because she will be suspicious.. Definitely GAL, tidy yourself up if you dont normally, dress nicely and take good care of yourself. You will have to be more subtle about how you do things for her, just dont over do it. If you say ILY all the time dont except when its really special, You have three kids if I read your sig right, well take them off to do something and treat your W to a spa day, hairdressers or tickets out to do something for her without you.. Give her space to miss you, that is really important, be your sexiest nicest ever Narwal you can be when she is around but nothing you cant keep up for ever as that will really get you into trouble.. You have a chance to save things mate so go to it!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
So yesterday on the way home from work I slipped on the ice and dislocated (with fracture) my ankle. I just got home from having a metal plate and seven screws installed to hold it together, and I need to keep all weight off my left foot for six weeks.
So, need to revise my plans for going out dancing, exercising and getting in shape, taking care of things around the house, doing more than my share of child care, etc.
It's going to be hard to be joyfully independent, helpful, and non-needy when I can't drive (or easily take the bus), run around with 4-year-old, cook, wash dishes, or carry a plate to the table.
Any thoughts?
Me:45 W:42 T:11 M:9 S:4 ILYBINILWY:12/6/09 W agrees to MC: 2/12/10 my thread
If you can walk on crutches, you are doing good. All the rest will have to wait. Last time I broke my foot, I kept a backpack with me and put things in it before I grabbed the crutches to move to the next place. That was the only way I could carry things.
I just got home from having a metal plate and seven screws installed to hold it together, and I need to keep all weight off my left foot for six weeks.