H did take the day off on our anniversary, so we went for movie and dinner. I did give him a “Thank You” card thanking him for all the years we've spent together. He in turn wrote a letter and gave it to me the next day saying that he has no intention to hurt me and that he still cares for me; his has true feelings for OW and he could not control his emotions; he knew that it was his fault but he could not think of a best solution to resolve the situation; he learnt from his mom that I’ve asked for the formality of S & D and he respect my decision; he could not tell the future development of our R and would leave it to the higher power; he would still love to take care of me if we can somehow start over and if I’m willing.
I know that it’s against DBing rules to reason w/him but I really felt like I have something to say, so I wrote him back the next day telling him that I’m not considering D but thought that S would help us to think over our R if he had spent the weekend away; it’s inexcusable by saying that he has no control of his emotions cause human beings should be able to control our thoughts and actions; he in fact lost control of his behavior by taking day off and spending it w/OW (his direct subordinate) thus ignoring work; he lost control of his behavior by avoiding and ignoring his mom whom he used to love and care dearly; his actions also hurt others especially his mom and my mom; he admitted being wrong but have no courage to do right; I’m still committed to our M but is ready to leave it to God!
There was no response from him for my letter but he spent most of the X’mas holiday w/me and started to call his mom. On one occasion while having lunch w/my mom (who has no idea of his infidelity), I felt that he was somewhat annoyed by the non-stop SMSs from the OW. I continued to practice my detachment and GAL (I attended cake making class and spent time w/my friends etc.) and won’t pursue him (I won’t call for his whereabouts and won’t ask for plans and programs). In fact, he started to call after work and asked if I would be having dinner w/him etc.
To be honest – I feel really lost and I’m not sure of the status of our R and M! I don’t think he’s not going to give up the OW (at least for the time being) but I somehow feel that he still has feelings for me – the classic ILUBNILWU, really LOL!!! My heart want to hang on but my head (also my ILs) tell me that I should at least kick him out and start S! I really don’t know what to do???
To make things more complicated, he will start to work for a new company in a nearby city in the coming April. By then, he will need to stay in that city during weekdays and only return “home” during weekends. Things could turn out to be better or worse cause he will then be no longer working w/OW. He will either misses her more or their separation might help to clear his mind and drag them apart. I will continue to GAL but should I wait around to see what is going to happen? I am really clueless - help!!!
