The adventure chronicles

[AFWAW]

OH,and by the way, she called earlier and said that she was taking my daughter and going to another guys house to watch a movie? WTF???? So, I'm not allowed to have a woman friend on FB but she is going over to other guys houses? Yeah, Oldtimer, what do you say about that? She hasn't signed up for couseling and is going over to other guys houses to watch movies, taking my daughter with and I'm the bonehead?

[Steve McQueen]

Any thoughts?

Will you be asking her out on a second date?

[Gnosis]

OH,and by the way, she called earlier and said that she was taking my daughter and going to another guys house to watch a movie? WTF????

Yeah, WTF!!!

So, I'm not allowed to have a woman friend on FB but she is going over to other guys houses?

That's correct. It's called WAW entitlement.

She hasn't signed up for couseling

To be honest, I didn't think she would.

I'm sorry AFWAW. Now, I've got to ask you this question...

How much longer do you see yourself putting up with this crap?

1. Go and re-friend this girl on FB.
2. DO NOT allow her to take your daughter to ANY other man's house.
3. Don't drop the rope, shred it into a million pieces.
4. Stop caving in to her demands for crying out load.
5. Start dating for REAL

Here are some choice phrases you could look at and see if you can use:

"I've come to the conclusion that you're sick. Please don't go to counseling because they will lock you up and you'll never be a part of D13's life thereafter. I've decided I will not be dictated to by a selfish, self-centered, egotistical, spoiled brat any longer. I wish you all the best on this path you've chosen. I have nothing further to say to you. From now on get your L to talk to my L. Have a nice life. Bye."

Just my opinion... and I think PDT, Steve and Rob would agree with me on this.

EDIT: And when she comes back sniffing around after that little declaration... ignore her. Do not fold. You keep your barriers up. You ensure that word gets around that you are dating. You let her come back crawling... which I doubt she will... She just wants a puppet to play her little control games with and unfortunately you're it. Later on this will extend to D13 so she can push your buttons further.

Give this little girl the spanking she's crying to receive.

[mindfull]

Just my opinion... and I think PDT, Steve and Rob would agree with me on this.

G - AFW - You get the female vote here! I never thought he should have responded to her demands before she did some work on herself. She is truly a brat. AFW has been way too honorable, and was more of a husband than she deserved.

AFW - Live in peace now, friend.

[Looking_For_Help]

Greetings AFWAW,

I've been reading your thread for quite a while now with great admiration. Somewhere along the line you've caved in and lost your MOJO. Where did it go???

It appears that your WAW is a control freak, manipulating your good-heartedness whenever the opportunity presents itself. Your wife is not even remotely interested in saving the marriage. Your best course of action is to serve your wife with divorce papers. Move forward with your life! For a moment I thought your wife really wanted to reconcile the marriage...I was wrong. You deserve better.

Regards,
LFH

[AFWAW]

Any thoughts?

Will you be asking her out on a second date?

Not if she doesn't go to counseling. That was our deal and so far she has not honored it.

[AFWAW]

That's correct. It's called WAW entitlement.

LMAO

How much longer do you see yourself putting up with this crap?

1. Go and re-friend this girl on FB.
2. DO NOT allow her to take your daughter to ANY other man's house.
3. Don't drop the rope, shred it into a million pieces.
4. Stop caving in to her demands for crying out load.
5. Start dating for REAL

That's a good question. So far the other woman has not contacted me so I'll consider that a no go. Yep, I'm not happy about her taking my daughter to another man's house.

You've given me some good ways to approach this. Her time is very limited.

[AFWAW]

I've been reading your thread for quite a while now with great admiration. Somewhere along the line you've caved in and lost your MOJO. Where did it go???

Thanks for your kind words. I found my MOJO today. Wife called earlier and started to strike up a conversation. I simply asked if she had signed up for counseling. She said, no I haven't had time. Yeah, ok, gotta go. She said, FINE, and hung up on me and I haven't heard back from her tonight.

For a moment I thought your wife really wanted to reconcile the marriage

I think she does want to reconcile but she wants to do it on her terms and that isn't going to work in this case. Until she realizes this she's gonna have problems as I won't let her come home.

[oldtimer]

I doubt that PDT, Rob, or Steve would urge you to act like a sarcastic, petulant teenager.

If you really want to save your M, you will need patience. It has been SIX DAYS since your date. I'd suggest you set a date several months in the future, like SIX MONTHS, to reevaluate your choice to try to save your M. Until then, you could focus on making things work, on being happy, on being an attractive partner, etc...

BTW, this was a pretty big deal, and something many will never hear: "On the ride home, we had some light convesation and she all the sudden said, that she should have been there for me when I got back from Iraq and that she hated herself for what she did." I'm sure it was hard for her to say that. Next time it might be nice to validate and to accept her invitation for more intimacy/honesty.

The passive/aggressive stuff isn't very attractive or helpful. I thought that you removed OW from FB because you thought it was the right thing to do. It is really not fair to anyone to lead OW on when you are trying to reconcile with W.

As for her latest request, have the two of you agreed to be exclusive or not? If you have, then it is not appropriate to say that you are interested in R's with women on your FB page. And, if you really want to make space for reconciliation, perhaps it is a good idea to be exclusive.

How about: "Sweetheart, that is rather a roundabout way to ask me to go steady. But sure, if we are going to be exclusive, then we should both make changes to our lives to reflect that."

As for W's male friend, it doesn't seem that either of you are referring to him as OM, while you were both acknowledging that the woman from FB was a romantic interest. So, the cases are not the same. That being said, it is fine for you to choose your own boundary here, as with anything else. If you want to insist on zero opposite sex friends other than those in support groups, then communicate that: "W, while we are taking our first steps to a new R, let's give ourselves the best chance by eliminating some potentially confusing times by limiting ourselves to interactions with same sex friends." But, do you really want to do this?

How about: "W, I'm not comfortable with you have what looks like a date with OM and bringing our daughter to it. It doesn't work for me."

Take your W on another date with no expectations. Give her a reasonble chance to find and call a C. Why so anxious about the C anyway? Is finding someone something the two of you could work together on?

If you want nothing to do with her until she makes a C appt, that's up to you. But, be direct: "W, the next step in all of this that I see is for you to make a C appt. for us. Like removing OW from FB was a dealbreaker for you, the C appt is a dealbreaker for me." But, again, how about some time to simply enjoy each other before such an ultimatium?

[soleil]

Hehe. Don't ask her again about counseling. And don't respond to her requests to take 'interested in women' off.